There's alot of things tumbling around in my head. I hate it that I have something really awesome to post almost every day and I can't seem to get it on here! God has been showing me sooo much! It's a bit frustrating to think about how much is not getting documented. I know that all of it is renewing my mind, so it's not being lost, just not put here like I'd like it to be.
Anyway, God's been dealing with us in the area of finances. We're finding ourselves in the same boat as we were this time last year. Everything is up in the air about our house again and it's tempting to be fearful. I'm not fearful, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tempting.
We have a new student named Michael who's second year. He did correspondance last year from home. We were chatting at break the other day, and he started talking about his finances. Out of nowhere. He even said he didn't know why he was talking about it. He put some things together for me. I know that I have the mind of Christ. He put it into the perspective that I have the mind of Christ where it comes to Christ's stewardship of finances. I wanted to literally smack myself on the forehead because it sounds like such a no-brainer, but I had never gotten that before. So cool!
I don't know how things will work out, but I know it will all work out for my good because I am in Christ, Jesus!
Changing lanes...
We had a speaker this week and she was really awesome. Her name is Nicola Appelbe. She is a missionary to orphans and elderly in Russia. I love the way things are set up now. She was with us for three days and spent the bulk of her time with the third year, but was with the entire body quite a bit too. One thing she spoke on really struck a chord in me. It lines up with other things being taught right now about having a vision and asking God to help set goals. She spoke on finding out where God wants you to be. She said if you would look over your life, God has been speaking about your calling all along and if you ask Him to, He'll remind you of what He's said. That's my new prayer. Please show me where you want me after school, and what is my calling? I know in my heart that it's very important for me to take this time at school. God's will, right now, for me is to be a student. There are several who have condensed and "done a double" with their second and third years (it's not typical and not common, and not up to the student - it's up to the director hearing the Holy Spirit on it). It's not realistic for me anyway, but even if it were, I don't have any desire to crunch this time. This preparation time is precious. I love the relationships being formed and I love the rich, cocoon environment at school. It's wonderful.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
some notes from today
We are all originals. Originals bring the highest value. Be an original. We will never achieve the excellence we were created to achieve if we copy somebody else.
Pursue living on the level God has called us to live at. He calls us "Kings and Priests" and "Ambassadors for Christ". It takes our choice and decision to pursue excellence. It's provided by grace, but that doesn't make it automatic. We must cooperate.
In the Kingdom of God, the bottom line is, if you don't quit, you win. Hallelujah!
I also wanted to post the vision I had in school yesterday. I was sitting behind Rick, Matthew and Kevin. For just a few seconds, I saw them each as bushes. They were being pruned by the Gardener's hands. He was being so very careful while moving the branches of each one of them around and carefully checking the leaves. He had pruning shears in His hands and never clipped much, just here and there, here and there. It's a common analogy, but what struck me was the care that the Gardener was using. It was obvious that He wasn't in any hurry, and didn't feel rushed at all. These bushes are important to Him. They aren't just a responsability, but a joy and a love of His.
Pursue living on the level God has called us to live at. He calls us "Kings and Priests" and "Ambassadors for Christ". It takes our choice and decision to pursue excellence. It's provided by grace, but that doesn't make it automatic. We must cooperate.
In the Kingdom of God, the bottom line is, if you don't quit, you win. Hallelujah!
I also wanted to post the vision I had in school yesterday. I was sitting behind Rick, Matthew and Kevin. For just a few seconds, I saw them each as bushes. They were being pruned by the Gardener's hands. He was being so very careful while moving the branches of each one of them around and carefully checking the leaves. He had pruning shears in His hands and never clipped much, just here and there, here and there. It's a common analogy, but what struck me was the care that the Gardener was using. It was obvious that He wasn't in any hurry, and didn't feel rushed at all. These bushes are important to Him. They aren't just a responsability, but a joy and a love of His.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Insert relevant title here...
I've been reflecting on how God uses my strengths and weakensses, also. I can see how my strengths, apart from God, are a clanging symbol because they would be good works without love, since God is Love. I see how my weaknesses are really fleshly failures, because without God, there is no strength in my weaknesses.
Yesterday, at school, God gave me a little revelation about our personalities. He showed me that He takes great joy in knowing us and relating to us each separately, as individuals, just as He created us. We know He speaks to us each according to our own personality. We are a joy to Him. For example: I love knowing how to "speak Jacob", when interpreting for my 15 year old son (who hilariously butchers the English language on a regular basis). God's the same way. He created us with personality traits that He "gets". He "speaks Katie" to me and loves being able to do it like none other. He made each of us with likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. He then takes great joy in catering to our likes, sparing us a lot of the dislikes, magnifying our strengths for His glory, and being our strength in weaknesses. He enjoys the relational part, simply and completely for the relationship. He enjoys seeing us enjoy Him and what He provides on every level.
Yesterday, at school, God gave me a little revelation about our personalities. He showed me that He takes great joy in knowing us and relating to us each separately, as individuals, just as He created us. We know He speaks to us each according to our own personality. We are a joy to Him. For example: I love knowing how to "speak Jacob", when interpreting for my 15 year old son (who hilariously butchers the English language on a regular basis). God's the same way. He created us with personality traits that He "gets". He "speaks Katie" to me and loves being able to do it like none other. He made each of us with likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. He then takes great joy in catering to our likes, sparing us a lot of the dislikes, magnifying our strengths for His glory, and being our strength in weaknesses. He enjoys the relational part, simply and completely for the relationship. He enjoys seeing us enjoy Him and what He provides on every level.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
First Day of Second Year!!
The only bummer I can see is that David and I can't go together. I mean, we will from time to time, but it will be rare - like once or twice a month, and always at night.
The school looks great! We have expanded to add another room. And the new room will be Second Year's classroom. I'm so excited!
It's fun to see the new faces of the First Year. It'll be fun to see how many more are added throughout this week. There were not as many from last year that moved up as I expected. It's kinda' sad, really. Maybe they'll come back, we'll see.
Today all we really did was registration stuff and get our syllabus for the first term. It was good to see the ones that were there and I was really surprised at the ones who weren't. I can't see any other options but to be there for two more years. It just doesn't make any sense to not go. But everybody's different.
It's going to be a great year!
The school looks great! We have expanded to add another room. And the new room will be Second Year's classroom. I'm so excited!
It's fun to see the new faces of the First Year. It'll be fun to see how many more are added throughout this week. There were not as many from last year that moved up as I expected. It's kinda' sad, really. Maybe they'll come back, we'll see.
Today all we really did was registration stuff and get our syllabus for the first term. It was good to see the ones that were there and I was really surprised at the ones who weren't. I can't see any other options but to be there for two more years. It just doesn't make any sense to not go. But everybody's different.
It's going to be a great year!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Love
One of the last days I was at work, God showed me something pretty cool. Of course, it happened in the bathroom. I get alot of revelation in the bathroom for some reason. Maybe because it's one of the only places I can get by myself. I mean, I don't have that privilege at home of pottying alone, but at Albertson's I certainly did.
Anyway....the verses in Corinthians on love were floating through my brain. Duane had mentioned that you can replace the word "love" with "God" to see attibutes of God throughout the scripture because God is love. For example: replace "Love is patient, Love is kind" with "God is patient, God is kind". I've heard this before, but was just really thinking about it as I was stocking the cigarettes. I went ahead and looked it up in the little Gideon's Bible that somebody left behind the counter.
I headed to the bathroom and was just still kinda' thinking on it when the verses where Jesus was saying that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all you have and love your neighbor as yourself popped in my head. I started thinking love is patient, love is kind...I should be patient and kind with my neighbor because I'm supposed to love my neighbor as I love myself. Hmmm...I'm supposed to love myself as I love my neighbor. I'm supposed to love myself. Oh, I'm supposed to be loving to myself. I'm supposed to be patient and kind to myself. Oh, wow. If I am patient, kind, long-suffering, slow to anger and all that with myself, how can I have a sin consciousness. Oh, wow. I think I stumbled onto one of the keys to not having a sin consciousness.
And of course, it was in the bathroom.
Anyway....the verses in Corinthians on love were floating through my brain. Duane had mentioned that you can replace the word "love" with "God" to see attibutes of God throughout the scripture because God is love. For example: replace "Love is patient, Love is kind" with "God is patient, God is kind". I've heard this before, but was just really thinking about it as I was stocking the cigarettes. I went ahead and looked it up in the little Gideon's Bible that somebody left behind the counter.
I headed to the bathroom and was just still kinda' thinking on it when the verses where Jesus was saying that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all you have and love your neighbor as yourself popped in my head. I started thinking love is patient, love is kind...I should be patient and kind with my neighbor because I'm supposed to love my neighbor as I love myself. Hmmm...I'm supposed to love myself as I love my neighbor. I'm supposed to love myself. Oh, I'm supposed to be loving to myself. I'm supposed to be patient and kind to myself. Oh, wow. If I am patient, kind, long-suffering, slow to anger and all that with myself, how can I have a sin consciousness. Oh, wow. I think I stumbled onto one of the keys to not having a sin consciousness.
And of course, it was in the bathroom.
I survived...
And came out on the other side actually good. I really enjoyed things once they settled down a bit.
I mean, Emily had a bit of a prima-donna attitude. I don't know if it's her age or not, but it's getting pretty bad. We had a small, contained blow-up. I didn't kill her, so I guess it ended well. I love Cody and Emily, but I am always thankful for the break of the time that they're both at their Mom's. That's just straight up honesty for ya'. You can't really know how it is to have step kids unless you have them. You have all the responsability of your own kids without the authority. It's difficult at best, but exceptionally rewarding at the same time. It's like the thing you have to work so hard at that it's much sweeter when there're good times and things. Well, enough of that - I think the subject of step children could be a daily post of it's own.
Greg and Andrea stayed a while after everybody else left and I'm so glad they did. I really, really enjoyed them. And Joshua loves, loves, loves Paige. He misses her. They are talking about moving here when he gets out and if he can get out early, coming on this way. I would so love to have them here.
That's enough for now.
I mean, Emily had a bit of a prima-donna attitude. I don't know if it's her age or not, but it's getting pretty bad. We had a small, contained blow-up. I didn't kill her, so I guess it ended well. I love Cody and Emily, but I am always thankful for the break of the time that they're both at their Mom's. That's just straight up honesty for ya'. You can't really know how it is to have step kids unless you have them. You have all the responsability of your own kids without the authority. It's difficult at best, but exceptionally rewarding at the same time. It's like the thing you have to work so hard at that it's much sweeter when there're good times and things. Well, enough of that - I think the subject of step children could be a daily post of it's own.
Greg and Andrea stayed a while after everybody else left and I'm so glad they did. I really, really enjoyed them. And Joshua loves, loves, loves Paige. He misses her. They are talking about moving here when he gets out and if he can get out early, coming on this way. I would so love to have them here.
That's enough for now.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I'm trying.
Our house is full of people. 16 people to be exact. And they're all staying here. I love it and hate it all at the same time. It' hard for me when somebody stays here because I'm a very "in it's place" kind of person. NOTHING is "in it's place". I'm trying. Lord knows I'm trying. I'm trying to just not pay attention when somebody spills a whole Dr. Pepper on the floor. Or I pick a for real (HUGE) boogar off the wall. No kidding. And there's trash everywhere. It's awful. But, I can spend my time walking around cleaning everything up over and over, or I can sit here and blog about it and let everybody else just enjoy themselves with no pressure from me. I've come a long way. A really long way. There was a time when I wouldn't even be able to realistically even see the option of sitting here blogging about it and just leaving it all alone.
David's family is so very different from mine. I mean, I know that they're now my family too, but you know. I'm just stressed out a bit. And I'm frustrated with David.
David's family is so very different from mine. I mean, I know that they're now my family too, but you know. I'm just stressed out a bit. And I'm frustrated with David.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
It only took me 5 tries to remember my password.
I guess that means I should post more. :-) But it really hasn't been that long.
I don't think anybody I know really reads this. I was concerned for a while because I had given this blog to Sandra. I've checked my blog tracker and I don't think she's reading it. I still don't feel completely comfortable with airing out all that happened. I know what God has shown me and I'm ok with it. I miss her, but I'm ok with it.
The other situation is Dena. I don't think I'll go into a whole lot here, but I believe God's shown me that I need to withdraw a bit (it's been this way for a while now) and let her go do whatever she's going to do. He showed me that love really does let go. That doesn't mean I'm not there for her. I am. But not quite in the same capacity. I was acting as a buffer for her and I can't be that. I have to have clear boundaries for myself. That's not to say I should be legalistic about anything, but continue to listen to the Spirit as to when/if we spend any time together.
Wow, this sounds all like a silly situation since I decided not to discuss it all here.
On to other things...
I'm quitting my job. There is not a realistic reason for me to stay after the kids are gone. There will be nobody to babysit and Josh needs to be with his mother. He will go to preschool in the Fall while I'm in school, and that will be fine.
David has a company here in town interested in him. I'm excited about it. I've been hopeful and excited about every opportunity that comes up, really.
I sure do love that man. He is so good to me.
Oh - a big thing God's been working with me on is relationships in general. We had a marriage seminar at church and now Duane's preaching on the faces of Love. Today was really good! I love our church! I'm sure there will be more about that at a later time. I'm not sure I could be understandable right now.
I'm going to bed....
I don't think anybody I know really reads this. I was concerned for a while because I had given this blog to Sandra. I've checked my blog tracker and I don't think she's reading it. I still don't feel completely comfortable with airing out all that happened. I know what God has shown me and I'm ok with it. I miss her, but I'm ok with it.
The other situation is Dena. I don't think I'll go into a whole lot here, but I believe God's shown me that I need to withdraw a bit (it's been this way for a while now) and let her go do whatever she's going to do. He showed me that love really does let go. That doesn't mean I'm not there for her. I am. But not quite in the same capacity. I was acting as a buffer for her and I can't be that. I have to have clear boundaries for myself. That's not to say I should be legalistic about anything, but continue to listen to the Spirit as to when/if we spend any time together.
Wow, this sounds all like a silly situation since I decided not to discuss it all here.
On to other things...
I'm quitting my job. There is not a realistic reason for me to stay after the kids are gone. There will be nobody to babysit and Josh needs to be with his mother. He will go to preschool in the Fall while I'm in school, and that will be fine.
David has a company here in town interested in him. I'm excited about it. I've been hopeful and excited about every opportunity that comes up, really.
I sure do love that man. He is so good to me.
Oh - a big thing God's been working with me on is relationships in general. We had a marriage seminar at church and now Duane's preaching on the faces of Love. Today was really good! I love our church! I'm sure there will be more about that at a later time. I'm not sure I could be understandable right now.
I'm going to bed....
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
School's out for the summer
Wasn't there a song like that?
"Teacher, leave those kids alone...Hey, Teacher! Leave those kids alone..."
Are you singing it now? If anybody actually reads this. And it's totally ok if nobody ever does.
We promoted. I think I may have posted that already? Maybe on my other blog. This is still really my kinda' secret blog. Well, Sandra had it, but I don't know if she ever even read it to begin with. I really, really miss her. I know that God showed me some things about the situation, but not knowing if she reads this or not, I can't put them here. She is precious, though, and I believed a part of our family. Maybe our paths will cross again on this side of eternity. Who knows?
I am way ready for David to find a different job. I know it's best for me to be at home. Things are really off kilter with me out of the house so much.
I talked to God about being a bit anxious when school let out that I would have difficulties keeping up with getting into the Word. He showed me some things about the natural progression of relationships - especially mine and His. I haven't had any problems to this point. I love the Word! I love spending time with Him. I miss school and the fellowship there. I know things will be completely different in the Fall. Guner and Shirley will not be there anymore and that makes me rather sad. I think most everybody from the first year will be back, along with some new from other places for the second year. Summer school is in session right now and I plan to go up there tomorrow for class. It will be good to see who's there.
Gonna get ready for work.
"Teacher, leave those kids alone...Hey, Teacher! Leave those kids alone..."
Are you singing it now? If anybody actually reads this. And it's totally ok if nobody ever does.
We promoted. I think I may have posted that already? Maybe on my other blog. This is still really my kinda' secret blog. Well, Sandra had it, but I don't know if she ever even read it to begin with. I really, really miss her. I know that God showed me some things about the situation, but not knowing if she reads this or not, I can't put them here. She is precious, though, and I believed a part of our family. Maybe our paths will cross again on this side of eternity. Who knows?
I am way ready for David to find a different job. I know it's best for me to be at home. Things are really off kilter with me out of the house so much.
I talked to God about being a bit anxious when school let out that I would have difficulties keeping up with getting into the Word. He showed me some things about the natural progression of relationships - especially mine and His. I haven't had any problems to this point. I love the Word! I love spending time with Him. I miss school and the fellowship there. I know things will be completely different in the Fall. Guner and Shirley will not be there anymore and that makes me rather sad. I think most everybody from the first year will be back, along with some new from other places for the second year. Summer school is in session right now and I plan to go up there tomorrow for class. It will be good to see who's there.
Gonna get ready for work.
Monday, May 30, 2011
hmmm....
hmmm....
I do not know what is going on with my friend. Well, I guess I do, but I don't at the same time. There has been so much go on and then so much not go on at the same time lately. We haven't really talked in a long time. There is really nothing to say. Not really. The last we really talked about it, we didn't really talk about it. It was more like she texted me a message that said she was fine. Which she's not fine. Not at all. She tried to convince me of it, but she wasn't the One who showed me that she wasn't fine, so she isn't the One who can convince me that she is. She said she was doing "things" that I wouldn't approve of, but that she was "fine". I don't think so. It's not about me approving or not approving. It's not my place to approve or not approve. Everything comes down to a heart condition. Everything.
hmmm....
I do not know what is going on with my friend. Well, I guess I do, but I don't at the same time. There has been so much go on and then so much not go on at the same time lately. We haven't really talked in a long time. There is really nothing to say. Not really. The last we really talked about it, we didn't really talk about it. It was more like she texted me a message that said she was fine. Which she's not fine. Not at all. She tried to convince me of it, but she wasn't the One who showed me that she wasn't fine, so she isn't the One who can convince me that she is. She said she was doing "things" that I wouldn't approve of, but that she was "fine". I don't think so. It's not about me approving or not approving. It's not my place to approve or not approve. Everything comes down to a heart condition. Everything.
hmmm....
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My other blog
I wrote a post there that I'll hijack and put here. I posted a link on Facebook to it and had an email that I responded to. I want to keep all of it, so will put it all here.
Here is the post from the other blog:
Here is the post from the other blog:
God's Sovereignty
This has been on my heart alot lately. I've been reading blogs that make statements over and over that they don't know why God allows this or that. This is a misunderstanding of God's sovereignty. Is God sovereign? Absolutely. Does mainstream Christianity misunderstand His sovereignty? Absolutely. It breaks my heart to hear God indirectly blamed for "allowing" things that happen to happen. He does not. It is not His will for a baby to die. It's not His will for bad things to happen. Tornadoes are not His will. Tsunamis are not His will. Things are not His will simply because they happen. It makes me so sad when people think that a person is put through horrible things so that they can learn something, or so that somebody else can learn something. Would you make something horrible happen to your child just so they could learn something? Absolutely not. God is no child abuser either.
Being sovereign means to have supreme rank or authority. Yes, God is sovereign. But being in supreme rank or authority does not mean that you are in control of everything. Does anything happen that God does not know happens? Absolutely not. He knows all. Just because He knows something happens does not mean He caused it by allowing it. Does it happen outside of His will? Lots of things do. The Bible clearly states that it is His will that none should perish, but all should be brought to repentance. We know this does not always happen, so in following this line of thinking - not all things that are God's will happen.
I used to struggle with this. And struggle. And stuggle. I was taught that because God is "sovereign", and nothing happens that He doesn't know, inadvertantly, His will is always played out. It is such a hard concept to grasp when most people are filled to overflowing with bad doctrine. I was there. I know how hard it is to renew your mind in mainstream churches.
We live in a fallen world. Some things just happen because of that. We also have an enemy who is here to steal, kill and destroy. Some things happen because of that. We live in ignorance. Some things happen because of that. We are responsible for so much more than we really know. We have authority over so much more than we understand.
When God placed man in the Garden, He gave man authority over the Earth. He never retracted that authority. God is sovereign, yes, but man has been given the authority to subdue the Earth. When man was deceived and sinned, he gave satan a right to some of that authority. When Jesus rose from the grave, He took back all authority in Heaven and Earth. When Jesus left the Earth, He gave that authority back to those who are in Him. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we are restored to our authority, but only in Christ.
Being sovereign means to have supreme rank or authority. Yes, God is sovereign. But being in supreme rank or authority does not mean that you are in control of everything. Does anything happen that God does not know happens? Absolutely not. He knows all. Just because He knows something happens does not mean He caused it by allowing it. Does it happen outside of His will? Lots of things do. The Bible clearly states that it is His will that none should perish, but all should be brought to repentance. We know this does not always happen, so in following this line of thinking - not all things that are God's will happen.
I used to struggle with this. And struggle. And stuggle. I was taught that because God is "sovereign", and nothing happens that He doesn't know, inadvertantly, His will is always played out. It is such a hard concept to grasp when most people are filled to overflowing with bad doctrine. I was there. I know how hard it is to renew your mind in mainstream churches.
We live in a fallen world. Some things just happen because of that. We also have an enemy who is here to steal, kill and destroy. Some things happen because of that. We live in ignorance. Some things happen because of that. We are responsible for so much more than we really know. We have authority over so much more than we understand.
When God placed man in the Garden, He gave man authority over the Earth. He never retracted that authority. God is sovereign, yes, but man has been given the authority to subdue the Earth. When man was deceived and sinned, he gave satan a right to some of that authority. When Jesus rose from the grave, He took back all authority in Heaven and Earth. When Jesus left the Earth, He gave that authority back to those who are in Him. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we are restored to our authority, but only in Christ.
Here is the email that was sent questioning:
Your blog
Katie, I just read your blog. You worded it well. I just have a few questiond for you? What verses in the Bible did you see that determined your thoughts?
Consider this verse, God has absolute rule over creation as King and total control and determination over all that happens.
“His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’” (Dan. 4:34–35) Also look into these verses, 1 Kings 12:15; 1 Chron. 29:11–13; Ps. 22:28; 24:1; 47:7–9; 103:19; Prov. 16:19, 21, 33; Dan. 4:25; 7:1–28; 12:1–13; Matt. 6:13; 10:29; Acts 17:26; Eph. 1:11; 1 Tim. 6:15; James 1:13–15.
Keep digging into the Word Katie. Keep up the good work!
Kevin
Consider this verse, God has absolute rule over creation as King and total control and determination over all that happens.
“His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’” (Dan. 4:34–35) Also look into these verses, 1 Kings 12:15; 1 Chron. 29:11–13; Ps. 22:28; 24:1; 47:7–9; 103:19; Prov. 16:19, 21, 33; Dan. 4:25; 7:1–28; 12:1–13; Matt. 6:13; 10:29; Acts 17:26; Eph. 1:11; 1 Tim. 6:15; James 1:13–15.
Keep digging into the Word Katie. Keep up the good work!
Kevin
Here is my response email:
Hey, Kevin!
How are you guys? I haven't gotten to talk to Mary in forever. I just see FB updates and such. Your girls are beautiful, as always.
I'm not avoiding your question, I just don't have time right now to dig everything out and go verse by verse. Something to think about, though...and I'm not the most articulate, but I'm trying.
Please see my heart, we are brethren. We agree on the most important doctrine, and that is Jesus - who He is, why He came and the circumstances around that. Everything else is up for discussion, but not Jesus. Because of Him, we can discuss, as family, things like this. :-)
When we read scripture, it is imperative to consider who wrote it, under what circumstances, and when. Many men in the Old Testament, when writing the books, did not have the amount of revelation that we can have now through the Holy Spirit. You can actually see, through time, that the amount of revelation grew progressively. Job did not have near the revelation that David did. Both spoke of God's nature, but neither could have the grasp that you or I can have through the Holy Spirit. The writers of the Old Testament's personalities came through in their writings, just like ours do. We, of course, have seen the full revelation of who God is in Jesus. He, Himself said that He only did what He saw the Father do. We can go straight to Him to see the TRUE nature of God.
Please, please, please don't think I'm downing or disrespecting the Old Testament. I'm certainly not! All scripture is given to us for learning and reproof. We are to learn from it all. Every bit of it is holy and God-breathed, but not every single bit of it describes God's nature.
I grew up thinking that when somebody became sick, say with cancer or something and God didn't heal them, that it must have been God's will for that person to have cancer. This is so very wrong. It's the same with natural disasters. I always thought that ultimately they were God's judgement or will for them to happen because if they weren't, why didn't he stop them? I thought everything that happened was His will simply by process of elmination. He must have wanted it or He would have stopped it and it wouldn't have happened. This is also wrong.
When we look to the example of Jesus - we can see that God does not allow sickness on anybody. Jesus healed all who He came into contact with, with the exception of those who had unbelief (as in the examples of people in His hometown where He could not - and that's a key - He could not - it was His will to heal, but He could not because of their unbelief). There is not one case recorded of Jesus ever putting any sickness or disease on anybody. So why would I ever think it's God's will for somebody to be sick in any instance? Just because it happens, doesn't mean it's God's will. Looking at Jesus and His life and what's recorded in the Gospels as to why He couldn't heal some people (their unbelief) - it would require us to ask why all can't be healed today if it's God's will for all to be. Unbelief. Which opens a new can of worm...
What about the people who we know have faith? Why aren't they healed if it's God's will to heal all and all aren't? When Jesus came down from the mount of transfiguration, He was brought the man with the boy who the disciples couldn't heal. He didn't deal directly with the boy immediately. He dealt with the boy's father. It was their unbelief that was cited as the problem. The man said that he believed, but he needed Jesus to help his unbelief. Jesus didn't correct him and tell him that he couldn't have belief and unbelief at the same time. Faith and unbelief are two separate things and they can exist in the same person at the same time.
It's like having a cart that you are trying to get somewhere. The cart is the healing in this case. You can have a horse (faith) tied to one side and if you get him to pull it, the cart will move. But if you hook another horse to the directly opposite side of the cart (unbelief) and have both pulling at the same time, your cart's going nowhere. Jesus told him that this kind came out by prayer and fasting. Jesus was talking about the unbelief coming out, not the demon. There is not a demon out there who is not subject to Jesus' name. His name is higher than all. He couldn't have been talking about the demon coming out by prayer and fasting. The only thing that's affected by prayer and fasting is our sensitivity to God. When Jesus was saying to fast and pray, He was saying to starve our unbelief. He was giving them a tool to tip the scales toward the side of belief.
I had a very hard time with this because it seems that it puts so much responsability on us. It does. Jesus never sugar-coated things to His disciples. He rebuked them for their unbelief so many times. He made a big deal about it. When He left, He left them with instructions to make disciples. He empowered them with the Holy Spirit. He said it would be better that He went to the Father. He gave us the tools to overcome the unbelief and do the works that He did, and greater. He gave us the authority to do everything He did - heal the sick, raise the dead, give sight to the blind, set the captives free. Everything. And it is our responsability.
I don't understand it all for sure. I am growing every day in revelation of the nature of God and my relationship with Him. I hope you can see my heart in typing all of this out. I know it's not all-inclusive and it doesn't even scratch the surface of all that I want to be able to say to explain.
As for the natural disasters. I mentioned before that I always thought of these as judgment and ultimately God's will. That's not true either. God poured out all His wrath on Jesus for ALL sins - past, present and future. He's not up there passing judgment anymore at all. God doesn't even get in a bad mood anymore. Hebrews says that Jesus was the propitiation for all sin for all time. He sat down at the right hand of the Father because it was ALL paid for. He paid for ALL the sins of the world - even the ones that the people don't repent over. The only sin at all that sends anybody to hell is not accepting Christ. Every other sin (even of the unbeliever) is paid for. So, He cannot send natural disasters as judgment without saying to Jesus that Jesus didn't do enough.
There are so many things that happen in this world just because it's a fallen place. It has degenerated since the fall of man, and at a steady pace. I believe we'll see an acceleration of these as we approach the end times as we are living in the last days.
I hope that gives you something to think about.
Love you guys,
Katie
How are you guys? I haven't gotten to talk to Mary in forever. I just see FB updates and such. Your girls are beautiful, as always.
I'm not avoiding your question, I just don't have time right now to dig everything out and go verse by verse. Something to think about, though...and I'm not the most articulate, but I'm trying.
Please see my heart, we are brethren. We agree on the most important doctrine, and that is Jesus - who He is, why He came and the circumstances around that. Everything else is up for discussion, but not Jesus. Because of Him, we can discuss, as family, things like this. :-)
When we read scripture, it is imperative to consider who wrote it, under what circumstances, and when. Many men in the Old Testament, when writing the books, did not have the amount of revelation that we can have now through the Holy Spirit. You can actually see, through time, that the amount of revelation grew progressively. Job did not have near the revelation that David did. Both spoke of God's nature, but neither could have the grasp that you or I can have through the Holy Spirit. The writers of the Old Testament's personalities came through in their writings, just like ours do. We, of course, have seen the full revelation of who God is in Jesus. He, Himself said that He only did what He saw the Father do. We can go straight to Him to see the TRUE nature of God.
Please, please, please don't think I'm downing or disrespecting the Old Testament. I'm certainly not! All scripture is given to us for learning and reproof. We are to learn from it all. Every bit of it is holy and God-breathed, but not every single bit of it describes God's nature.
I grew up thinking that when somebody became sick, say with cancer or something and God didn't heal them, that it must have been God's will for that person to have cancer. This is so very wrong. It's the same with natural disasters. I always thought that ultimately they were God's judgement or will for them to happen because if they weren't, why didn't he stop them? I thought everything that happened was His will simply by process of elmination. He must have wanted it or He would have stopped it and it wouldn't have happened. This is also wrong.
When we look to the example of Jesus - we can see that God does not allow sickness on anybody. Jesus healed all who He came into contact with, with the exception of those who had unbelief (as in the examples of people in His hometown where He could not - and that's a key - He could not - it was His will to heal, but He could not because of their unbelief). There is not one case recorded of Jesus ever putting any sickness or disease on anybody. So why would I ever think it's God's will for somebody to be sick in any instance? Just because it happens, doesn't mean it's God's will. Looking at Jesus and His life and what's recorded in the Gospels as to why He couldn't heal some people (their unbelief) - it would require us to ask why all can't be healed today if it's God's will for all to be. Unbelief. Which opens a new can of worm...
What about the people who we know have faith? Why aren't they healed if it's God's will to heal all and all aren't? When Jesus came down from the mount of transfiguration, He was brought the man with the boy who the disciples couldn't heal. He didn't deal directly with the boy immediately. He dealt with the boy's father. It was their unbelief that was cited as the problem. The man said that he believed, but he needed Jesus to help his unbelief. Jesus didn't correct him and tell him that he couldn't have belief and unbelief at the same time. Faith and unbelief are two separate things and they can exist in the same person at the same time.
It's like having a cart that you are trying to get somewhere. The cart is the healing in this case. You can have a horse (faith) tied to one side and if you get him to pull it, the cart will move. But if you hook another horse to the directly opposite side of the cart (unbelief) and have both pulling at the same time, your cart's going nowhere. Jesus told him that this kind came out by prayer and fasting. Jesus was talking about the unbelief coming out, not the demon. There is not a demon out there who is not subject to Jesus' name. His name is higher than all. He couldn't have been talking about the demon coming out by prayer and fasting. The only thing that's affected by prayer and fasting is our sensitivity to God. When Jesus was saying to fast and pray, He was saying to starve our unbelief. He was giving them a tool to tip the scales toward the side of belief.
I had a very hard time with this because it seems that it puts so much responsability on us. It does. Jesus never sugar-coated things to His disciples. He rebuked them for their unbelief so many times. He made a big deal about it. When He left, He left them with instructions to make disciples. He empowered them with the Holy Spirit. He said it would be better that He went to the Father. He gave us the tools to overcome the unbelief and do the works that He did, and greater. He gave us the authority to do everything He did - heal the sick, raise the dead, give sight to the blind, set the captives free. Everything. And it is our responsability.
I don't understand it all for sure. I am growing every day in revelation of the nature of God and my relationship with Him. I hope you can see my heart in typing all of this out. I know it's not all-inclusive and it doesn't even scratch the surface of all that I want to be able to say to explain.
As for the natural disasters. I mentioned before that I always thought of these as judgment and ultimately God's will. That's not true either. God poured out all His wrath on Jesus for ALL sins - past, present and future. He's not up there passing judgment anymore at all. God doesn't even get in a bad mood anymore. Hebrews says that Jesus was the propitiation for all sin for all time. He sat down at the right hand of the Father because it was ALL paid for. He paid for ALL the sins of the world - even the ones that the people don't repent over. The only sin at all that sends anybody to hell is not accepting Christ. Every other sin (even of the unbeliever) is paid for. So, He cannot send natural disasters as judgment without saying to Jesus that Jesus didn't do enough.
There are so many things that happen in this world just because it's a fallen place. It has degenerated since the fall of man, and at a steady pace. I believe we'll see an acceleration of these as we approach the end times as we are living in the last days.
I hope that gives you something to think about.
Love you guys,
Katie
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
It's been a while...
All is not always roses and sunshine at Bible School. Maybe that should have been my title. I'm not being a downer at all about it. It's definitely up there as one of the most wonderful experiences of my life - and I'm not even a third of the way done yet! I guess the point is simply that with everything, there is a price. With every revelation of the Word that is given, it is tested and that testing is tough sometimes. And sometimes, people do things you don't understand. But each test and situation is a learning experience and a life lesson.
One of the reasons I've kinda' avoided blogging here is Sandra. I haven't felt the freedom to write openly about things because I gave her the blog a couple of months ago and don't know if she still does or ever read it. I don't feel good about airing anything out here, but it's just enough to say that she left school without an explanation to me, which I didn't understand, but that was her choice. I also learned the lesson of keeping this place private to me so that it can (in every other area) still be a place to honestly an openly journal my experience. It's rather a shame because there are so many life lessons that I learned through that experience that would be of value to have chronicled.
David got a job at Target. He loves it and I'm so very happy for him. He's cashiering and has said that it's really good for him because he is having to learn how to make small-talk. He is an amazing husband and father and I don't know where in the world I'd be without him!
Dena is living 15 minutes from me now. That's so exciting! This is the closest proximity we've been to each other in years and it's fantastic! I love her and her girls so very much.
I spent Spring Break in Missouri with my grandparents. Just me and Josh and them. It was sooo nice. I took Joshua to a circus in West Plains and we both loved it so much! He is such a good kid.
The Saturday that I drove up there, we had a women's brunch/meeting at church. When I heard it advertised, the Holy Spirit told me that I need to be there. Ok. Those get-togethers are usually not really my thing, but He's been working with me on that because I do love the women. I think my problem is really not the get-together, it's more that I don't like the drama that I usually associate with a women's group. I'm beginning to realize that this group is pretty low-key on the drama. It is there, yes, but not like your typical group. He's awakening a desire and love for the women of our church in me. I think something's going on there...
Anyway, one of the speakers was the director from the crisis pregnancy center in Sherman. When I figured this out, the Holy Spirit said that this was why I was there. During a break, I was browsing the table that she had set up. She happened to be right there, and we chatted a bit. She told me she was looking for somebody to lead the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study that they offer. I got excited about that and started thinking about it. I told her I'd been through it and was set free.
She did her talk and while she was talking, I was praying for the Lord to show me if this was truly for me or simply an emotional response. He told me that His gifts and callings are without repentance and that He had called me to that already. I spoke to her again and filled out the info she needed. I told her I'd be out of town for a week and would call her when I was back. I did call, but left a message since she was out of town the following week. Funny.
Anyway, in the meantime, it popped in my head that Dena really should probably go through the study. Just after that, Dena and I were chatting for a minute and I told her that I might be doing that study through the center and she said that she wanted me to do it with her. How awesome is it when the Holy Spirit confirms what He's told you through another person.
We started the study Saturday night. And now, Tracey wants to come join it. I am so excited for them. I'm not excited for the difficulties they have coming, but where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! I'm excited to witness their coming into that freedom!
What a mighty God we serve! What a mighty God we serve! Angels bow before Him, Heaven and Earth adore Him. What a mighty God we serve!
One of the reasons I've kinda' avoided blogging here is Sandra. I haven't felt the freedom to write openly about things because I gave her the blog a couple of months ago and don't know if she still does or ever read it. I don't feel good about airing anything out here, but it's just enough to say that she left school without an explanation to me, which I didn't understand, but that was her choice. I also learned the lesson of keeping this place private to me so that it can (in every other area) still be a place to honestly an openly journal my experience. It's rather a shame because there are so many life lessons that I learned through that experience that would be of value to have chronicled.
David got a job at Target. He loves it and I'm so very happy for him. He's cashiering and has said that it's really good for him because he is having to learn how to make small-talk. He is an amazing husband and father and I don't know where in the world I'd be without him!
Dena is living 15 minutes from me now. That's so exciting! This is the closest proximity we've been to each other in years and it's fantastic! I love her and her girls so very much.
I spent Spring Break in Missouri with my grandparents. Just me and Josh and them. It was sooo nice. I took Joshua to a circus in West Plains and we both loved it so much! He is such a good kid.
The Saturday that I drove up there, we had a women's brunch/meeting at church. When I heard it advertised, the Holy Spirit told me that I need to be there. Ok. Those get-togethers are usually not really my thing, but He's been working with me on that because I do love the women. I think my problem is really not the get-together, it's more that I don't like the drama that I usually associate with a women's group. I'm beginning to realize that this group is pretty low-key on the drama. It is there, yes, but not like your typical group. He's awakening a desire and love for the women of our church in me. I think something's going on there...
Anyway, one of the speakers was the director from the crisis pregnancy center in Sherman. When I figured this out, the Holy Spirit said that this was why I was there. During a break, I was browsing the table that she had set up. She happened to be right there, and we chatted a bit. She told me she was looking for somebody to lead the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study that they offer. I got excited about that and started thinking about it. I told her I'd been through it and was set free.
She did her talk and while she was talking, I was praying for the Lord to show me if this was truly for me or simply an emotional response. He told me that His gifts and callings are without repentance and that He had called me to that already. I spoke to her again and filled out the info she needed. I told her I'd be out of town for a week and would call her when I was back. I did call, but left a message since she was out of town the following week. Funny.
Anyway, in the meantime, it popped in my head that Dena really should probably go through the study. Just after that, Dena and I were chatting for a minute and I told her that I might be doing that study through the center and she said that she wanted me to do it with her. How awesome is it when the Holy Spirit confirms what He's told you through another person.
We started the study Saturday night. And now, Tracey wants to come join it. I am so excited for them. I'm not excited for the difficulties they have coming, but where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! I'm excited to witness their coming into that freedom!
What a mighty God we serve! What a mighty God we serve! Angels bow before Him, Heaven and Earth adore Him. What a mighty God we serve!
Friday, February 25, 2011
another awesome night at CBC
Last night, I went to night classes because my friend Lisa was going with me. It was a really great experience for us both.
I have only been to night school twice before last night. Once on a part-timer's night and once not. On the nights the part-timers are there (Tues and Thurs), it's a pretty full room. On the other nights, there's only one first year.
I was the only one who hadn't done my Relationship with God talk, so I did. I felt so silly and self-conscious. It was awful. I knew I had heard from God on the subject, but just felt like I fumbled over every word and stuttered. I was miserable while talking.
After I sat down and I'm sure turned bright red, a girl behind me said that the Lord used something I talked about to set her free. Oh, how that changed everything. I felt so silly for being self-conscious. I should never be! I should only be God-conscious and no matter how it comes out, if I'm surrendered to Him, it will be the Word somebody needs for that moment. So what if I stutter a little bit? So what if I don't know that group? So what if whatever?
It is so selfish to be so worried about how my speeches come out. I had an awesome one on Wednesday, and felt like that one just didn't measure up. I am learning (praise God) that shyness is also pride. Pride is simply esteeming my own opinion of myself more highly than God's. Who am I to be shy and worried about how I look when God told me that He would give me the Word to speak? Who am I to esteem my opinion of myself more highly than God's opinion of me? That's pride just as much as if I were to think I was better than everybody else.
Oh, what you learn at Bible School!
I have only been to night school twice before last night. Once on a part-timer's night and once not. On the nights the part-timers are there (Tues and Thurs), it's a pretty full room. On the other nights, there's only one first year.
I was the only one who hadn't done my Relationship with God talk, so I did. I felt so silly and self-conscious. It was awful. I knew I had heard from God on the subject, but just felt like I fumbled over every word and stuttered. I was miserable while talking.
After I sat down and I'm sure turned bright red, a girl behind me said that the Lord used something I talked about to set her free. Oh, how that changed everything. I felt so silly for being self-conscious. I should never be! I should only be God-conscious and no matter how it comes out, if I'm surrendered to Him, it will be the Word somebody needs for that moment. So what if I stutter a little bit? So what if I don't know that group? So what if whatever?
It is so selfish to be so worried about how my speeches come out. I had an awesome one on Wednesday, and felt like that one just didn't measure up. I am learning (praise God) that shyness is also pride. Pride is simply esteeming my own opinion of myself more highly than God's. Who am I to be shy and worried about how I look when God told me that He would give me the Word to speak? Who am I to esteem my opinion of myself more highly than God's opinion of me? That's pride just as much as if I were to think I was better than everybody else.
Oh, what you learn at Bible School!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
My heart is so full!
Yesterday was an amazing morning at school! I don't know if I can get it all on here, but I'll never forget it!
On the drive in, I was just compelled by the Holy Spirit to just pray and praise the Lord. It was a wonderful trip in.
We started off with praise and worship. We hadn't had any in a while because we were behind on our scheduled classes since we'd missed four ice days. It was really awesome! Everybody was in one accord and the Spirit was manifested so clearly. There's really no way to describe it! He loves us sooo much! Goose got a message and interpretation from the Lord. He just told us He loves us sooo much and that He would be more and more reality to us each day. I'm so excited!
We spent some time in the Word after worship and just like always, the Lord gave me my 5 minute talk subject during that time. He has shown me and continues to show me that He will give me exactly what I need, right when I need it. He is always on time and always just enough. He is my Provider on every level - not just physical and emotional things, but every level. He provides the air I need to breathe just when I need to breathe it. He provides the money we need just when we need it. And He provides the Word I need, just when I need it. He provides!
Our talks were sooo good! We had several before break and the rest after. When Janis spoke, I saw in my spirit, a huge bird of prey - one I don't think I've seen before. It looked like either a hawk or an eagle, but was all white - pure white and gorgeous. I knew instantly that this bird symbolized the Father. He was regal and majestic looking. His eyes were amazing - they saw and took in everything. Beautiful. Then I saw that I am enfolded in His wing. When I hear scripture about being under the wing (can't think of an exact reference) before, I had pictured an extended wing and just simply being covered. But this was different. I was literally enfolded under His wing - not to sound yucky or anything, but in the armpit (haha) of the bird. Where as He stood there with His wings at rest at His side, you couldn't even see me. I felt the enfolding around me. I could feel the pulse of the bird and the warmth of the feathers - soft and downy in that vulnerable place on the bird. It was so amazing and beautiful. I could smell a sweet, wild fragrance. I can feel it again just in remembering right now. I could feel the muscles and the soft tissues. It was soft, warm and safe, but so, so strong.
Matthew spoke on loving man and not fearing him at all. Rick spoke on where our thoughts come from. Chima spoke on Psalms 91 and 23. Alan spoke on Proverbs and wisdom - he said the Lord had shown him a chapter where he could replace Vicky's name with Wisdom's to show what Vicky is to him in a picture from the Lord of his marriage. It was beautiful! James spoke of a vision he had the night before. He saw the Heavens open up and Jesus in the air. Then he saw what looked like shooting stars, shooting up to Jesus and the Lord showed him that it was the Rapture. He then saw darkness on the Earth and understood that it was because the Holy Spirit was taken out with the people. He said then that the Joy of the Lord overtook him right there in his bed and he spent some time just laughing deep belly laughs in the Lord's presence. He said that he was almost surprised that he didn't get overcome again because his Joy was so full. James also said that the Lord has shown him that we are going to be seeing manifestations of the Spirit in the part of the body that we are there at school. They are going to be very common and normal for us. Carolyn spoke on Proverbs. Kenny spoke on Jeremiah. At one point Kenny was so overcome by Love that he broke down in tears. Beautiful. Ruth spoke on Proverbs. Janis spoke of a vision the Lord had given her. She said she heard Him say clearly, "Speak my Word". She said she then saw an index card with the word "REALITY" on it, printed in black. She said she asked the Lord what this meant and He brought her to some scripture that showed her to interpret what He was saying to mean that she was to make the spoken Word her reality. Wow! The scripture was in Proverbs and it made a reference to a certain kind of tree that I can't remember right off. Janis had done a study on that tree and had found that it bloomed in late winter. She said she was symbolized by the tree - blooming late.
When I was preparing for my speech, I was looking through the Old Testament Survey IV notes that I had and the notes on Ecclesiastes just jumped off the page. He told me that was my speech. I kinda' argued with Him because I said that there were no scripture references. He said that was His Word for that time for that body and I needed to just trust Him and give it. Ok. I did. I spoke about the blessings He's manifested in our lives since school started. It was really good. I love the feeling I get when I know that the Lord is the one speaking out through me. It's amazing and I'm seeing it more and more. I am seeing it in conversations with other people and at school. I'm seeing fruits of the Spirit in my life, and I'm enjoying the work He does in me. There are prices to pay, make no mistake, and sometimes the emotions involved in those prices are difficult at best, but I'm so in love with the Lord that the cost is nothing in comparison.
Last to speak was Andrew. He spoke on us being the body and that we would be seeing manifestations of the Spirit, just like James said. He talked for a few minutes on some things the Lord has shown him about the people of the Lord being lights and shining brighter and brighter. He said when he sees each of us in the Spirit, he sees so much more than our flesh. He then went person to person and gave a word of exhortation over each one! He said Chima had great things in store for him. He said Janis was under the shadow of the wing of the Most High (my vision while she was speaking!). Matthew was Joy and jumping for Joy for the Lord. I don't remember Rick and Terry. James is a pillar. Ruth is the support of the pillar. Kenny was like a child and full of love for the Lord. Carolyn is a voice of praise. Kevin would love the unlovable and reach the unreachable. I am a blessing and blessed to be a blessing. I can't remember Julie. Alan is Wisdom and has Wisdom at his right hand (Vicky!). It was absolutely AMAZING! I can't wait for more.
Oh, when Kevin was speaking, I saw a vision of him and David standing shoulder to shoulder (touching shoulders) in equality. I am not sure exactly what it meant, but I believe that David and Kevin are linked together for something very important. After class, I told Kevin that we have our Bible study on Tuesdays and that I'd love for him and his wife to come. I'd love to get to know his wife! At that moment, I had a desire for nothing but getting to know her.
When I sat down, Kevin had tears in his eyes and told me that my message was for him. He told me a couple of times that it is for him. I have a feeling that there is something pretty significant that he and his wife are going through that we have a revelation on. I can't wait to get to know them!
On the way home, Sandra called to ask how class went. I told her everything I could remember and that I really just knew that the Spirit would do something amazing in the night classes also. I just knew it and He did. David and Sandra both went to night school last night. He came home bubbling over about the talks that they had and how awesome it was. He said that the last girl to speak spoke on "diverse tongues". I have never really thought much about what Paul said when he said he spoke with "diverse tongues". I'll have to get more into that when I receive a revelation of my own about it.
I can't wait to talk to Sandra!
On the drive in, I was just compelled by the Holy Spirit to just pray and praise the Lord. It was a wonderful trip in.
We started off with praise and worship. We hadn't had any in a while because we were behind on our scheduled classes since we'd missed four ice days. It was really awesome! Everybody was in one accord and the Spirit was manifested so clearly. There's really no way to describe it! He loves us sooo much! Goose got a message and interpretation from the Lord. He just told us He loves us sooo much and that He would be more and more reality to us each day. I'm so excited!
We spent some time in the Word after worship and just like always, the Lord gave me my 5 minute talk subject during that time. He has shown me and continues to show me that He will give me exactly what I need, right when I need it. He is always on time and always just enough. He is my Provider on every level - not just physical and emotional things, but every level. He provides the air I need to breathe just when I need to breathe it. He provides the money we need just when we need it. And He provides the Word I need, just when I need it. He provides!
Our talks were sooo good! We had several before break and the rest after. When Janis spoke, I saw in my spirit, a huge bird of prey - one I don't think I've seen before. It looked like either a hawk or an eagle, but was all white - pure white and gorgeous. I knew instantly that this bird symbolized the Father. He was regal and majestic looking. His eyes were amazing - they saw and took in everything. Beautiful. Then I saw that I am enfolded in His wing. When I hear scripture about being under the wing (can't think of an exact reference) before, I had pictured an extended wing and just simply being covered. But this was different. I was literally enfolded under His wing - not to sound yucky or anything, but in the armpit (haha) of the bird. Where as He stood there with His wings at rest at His side, you couldn't even see me. I felt the enfolding around me. I could feel the pulse of the bird and the warmth of the feathers - soft and downy in that vulnerable place on the bird. It was so amazing and beautiful. I could smell a sweet, wild fragrance. I can feel it again just in remembering right now. I could feel the muscles and the soft tissues. It was soft, warm and safe, but so, so strong.
Matthew spoke on loving man and not fearing him at all. Rick spoke on where our thoughts come from. Chima spoke on Psalms 91 and 23. Alan spoke on Proverbs and wisdom - he said the Lord had shown him a chapter where he could replace Vicky's name with Wisdom's to show what Vicky is to him in a picture from the Lord of his marriage. It was beautiful! James spoke of a vision he had the night before. He saw the Heavens open up and Jesus in the air. Then he saw what looked like shooting stars, shooting up to Jesus and the Lord showed him that it was the Rapture. He then saw darkness on the Earth and understood that it was because the Holy Spirit was taken out with the people. He said then that the Joy of the Lord overtook him right there in his bed and he spent some time just laughing deep belly laughs in the Lord's presence. He said that he was almost surprised that he didn't get overcome again because his Joy was so full. James also said that the Lord has shown him that we are going to be seeing manifestations of the Spirit in the part of the body that we are there at school. They are going to be very common and normal for us. Carolyn spoke on Proverbs. Kenny spoke on Jeremiah. At one point Kenny was so overcome by Love that he broke down in tears. Beautiful. Ruth spoke on Proverbs. Janis spoke of a vision the Lord had given her. She said she heard Him say clearly, "Speak my Word". She said she then saw an index card with the word "REALITY" on it, printed in black. She said she asked the Lord what this meant and He brought her to some scripture that showed her to interpret what He was saying to mean that she was to make the spoken Word her reality. Wow! The scripture was in Proverbs and it made a reference to a certain kind of tree that I can't remember right off. Janis had done a study on that tree and had found that it bloomed in late winter. She said she was symbolized by the tree - blooming late.
When I was preparing for my speech, I was looking through the Old Testament Survey IV notes that I had and the notes on Ecclesiastes just jumped off the page. He told me that was my speech. I kinda' argued with Him because I said that there were no scripture references. He said that was His Word for that time for that body and I needed to just trust Him and give it. Ok. I did. I spoke about the blessings He's manifested in our lives since school started. It was really good. I love the feeling I get when I know that the Lord is the one speaking out through me. It's amazing and I'm seeing it more and more. I am seeing it in conversations with other people and at school. I'm seeing fruits of the Spirit in my life, and I'm enjoying the work He does in me. There are prices to pay, make no mistake, and sometimes the emotions involved in those prices are difficult at best, but I'm so in love with the Lord that the cost is nothing in comparison.
Last to speak was Andrew. He spoke on us being the body and that we would be seeing manifestations of the Spirit, just like James said. He talked for a few minutes on some things the Lord has shown him about the people of the Lord being lights and shining brighter and brighter. He said when he sees each of us in the Spirit, he sees so much more than our flesh. He then went person to person and gave a word of exhortation over each one! He said Chima had great things in store for him. He said Janis was under the shadow of the wing of the Most High (my vision while she was speaking!). Matthew was Joy and jumping for Joy for the Lord. I don't remember Rick and Terry. James is a pillar. Ruth is the support of the pillar. Kenny was like a child and full of love for the Lord. Carolyn is a voice of praise. Kevin would love the unlovable and reach the unreachable. I am a blessing and blessed to be a blessing. I can't remember Julie. Alan is Wisdom and has Wisdom at his right hand (Vicky!). It was absolutely AMAZING! I can't wait for more.
Oh, when Kevin was speaking, I saw a vision of him and David standing shoulder to shoulder (touching shoulders) in equality. I am not sure exactly what it meant, but I believe that David and Kevin are linked together for something very important. After class, I told Kevin that we have our Bible study on Tuesdays and that I'd love for him and his wife to come. I'd love to get to know his wife! At that moment, I had a desire for nothing but getting to know her.
When I sat down, Kevin had tears in his eyes and told me that my message was for him. He told me a couple of times that it is for him. I have a feeling that there is something pretty significant that he and his wife are going through that we have a revelation on. I can't wait to get to know them!
On the way home, Sandra called to ask how class went. I told her everything I could remember and that I really just knew that the Spirit would do something amazing in the night classes also. I just knew it and He did. David and Sandra both went to night school last night. He came home bubbling over about the talks that they had and how awesome it was. He said that the last girl to speak spoke on "diverse tongues". I have never really thought much about what Paul said when he said he spoke with "diverse tongues". I'll have to get more into that when I receive a revelation of my own about it.
I can't wait to talk to Sandra!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Renewing my mind
God is renewing my mind to food! I had considered it before, but He really is. I saw it very clearly yesterday at Aldi.
When I shop now, I read everything. I put so many things back because they were so unhealthy - so many things that I've been buying for my family for a long time.
I think I'm about to end up at the Whole Foods Market for quite a few things. We are going to be moving away from alot of dairy products. We won't be consuming near the gluten we were.
I'm simply amazed.
I don't even know what week I'm on with this diet, but it's not really a diet anymore for me. It's now a way of life. It was the right time for me to be doing this.
This doesn't mean that my kids won't get to have pizza or ice cream from time to time, but they will definitely be the treats they are supposed to be and not the norm!
When I shop now, I read everything. I put so many things back because they were so unhealthy - so many things that I've been buying for my family for a long time.
I think I'm about to end up at the Whole Foods Market for quite a few things. We are going to be moving away from alot of dairy products. We won't be consuming near the gluten we were.
I'm simply amazed.
I don't even know what week I'm on with this diet, but it's not really a diet anymore for me. It's now a way of life. It was the right time for me to be doing this.
This doesn't mean that my kids won't get to have pizza or ice cream from time to time, but they will definitely be the treats they are supposed to be and not the norm!
Monday, January 31, 2011
God showed me some stuff.
*** I am not a husband basher - I adore my husband, but like anybody, we have times where we have to work through some things. These things do not in any way reduce the amount of admiration and love I have for him. They are just that, things we have to work through. And they make us stronger. David is a wonderful, godly husband and father and I could not ask for a better man. ***
I believe He was able to show me more because of the increased sensitivity because of my fast.
I was praying about mine and David's situation the other day. (It's all blown over and we're just fine now.) The Lord showed me that David had taken some traits that I have had over the years and made them into me. Meaning, he had made me those things instead of seeing them as just traits that I have and things I have to deal with.
I know there is truth to me being critical. I don't deny it and am working with the Lord on finding the root of that to get it removed. I am in no way minimizing it. I am starting to see that some of it comes from envy and jealousy. We are taking a class on envy and jealousy right now, and alot of it is ringing with me. But, I do believe that David had taken some thoughts, pondered them, and turned them into emotions. He had seen anything and everything that I have said recently as being critical, whether it was or wasn't. The times I was truly critical, he used to enforce his belief that I am just critical all the time. It had grown with him until he just blew his top when I pushed on him to see what was going on.
I can almost visualize it. I believe that the Lord would have shown me the truth of the situation without the fast, but with it, He was able to truly show me the depth of it all. Also, I was able to temper my frustration about it more quickly because He showed me so quickly how it all came about. My flesh was already being fasted into submission, so anger and frustration were easy to simmer down.
After that incident, he was really lovey-dovey toward me and wanted to snuggle and cuddle all the time. He is an affectionate person, but he was being much more affectionate than ever normal. He was doing this because he had just had an emotional release and then felt better and actually more affectionate toward me.
We sat down and talked about everything and I told him some of what the Lord had shown me. (All of it isn't here, of course - some is too private. And some was just for my understanding and not to share with him.) Everything is really good now. Really good, I might add. I love my husband so much!
On a totally different note...
I took a cashier's check by to reinstate our mortgage loan and catch it up to date!!! Wow! God is awesome!
In the lobby of the attorney's office, I sat down next to a couple who started chatting with me. They were there to do the same thing. The gentleman asked me how everything was going and if we were going to be able to save our house. I felt prompted to tell him a bit of our story, so did. He listened quite intently - I'm not sure what was going on in his head - and then told me that he and his wife certainly did believe in the power of prayer. I told him that I believe in the power of prayer, and it's so awesome to see the supernatural power of the Lord working in our lives. That's when he told me they were Jehovah's Witnesses! I don't know all of what they believe, but I don't think it leaves much room for the Lord to supernaturally move in a stay-at-home mom turned Bible college student's life. I know that some seeds were planted. And also, all along, there was another guy listening to our conversation. I love it when God moves.
I believe He was able to show me more because of the increased sensitivity because of my fast.
I was praying about mine and David's situation the other day. (It's all blown over and we're just fine now.) The Lord showed me that David had taken some traits that I have had over the years and made them into me. Meaning, he had made me those things instead of seeing them as just traits that I have and things I have to deal with.
I know there is truth to me being critical. I don't deny it and am working with the Lord on finding the root of that to get it removed. I am in no way minimizing it. I am starting to see that some of it comes from envy and jealousy. We are taking a class on envy and jealousy right now, and alot of it is ringing with me. But, I do believe that David had taken some thoughts, pondered them, and turned them into emotions. He had seen anything and everything that I have said recently as being critical, whether it was or wasn't. The times I was truly critical, he used to enforce his belief that I am just critical all the time. It had grown with him until he just blew his top when I pushed on him to see what was going on.
I can almost visualize it. I believe that the Lord would have shown me the truth of the situation without the fast, but with it, He was able to truly show me the depth of it all. Also, I was able to temper my frustration about it more quickly because He showed me so quickly how it all came about. My flesh was already being fasted into submission, so anger and frustration were easy to simmer down.
After that incident, he was really lovey-dovey toward me and wanted to snuggle and cuddle all the time. He is an affectionate person, but he was being much more affectionate than ever normal. He was doing this because he had just had an emotional release and then felt better and actually more affectionate toward me.
We sat down and talked about everything and I told him some of what the Lord had shown me. (All of it isn't here, of course - some is too private. And some was just for my understanding and not to share with him.) Everything is really good now. Really good, I might add. I love my husband so much!
On a totally different note...
I took a cashier's check by to reinstate our mortgage loan and catch it up to date!!! Wow! God is awesome!
In the lobby of the attorney's office, I sat down next to a couple who started chatting with me. They were there to do the same thing. The gentleman asked me how everything was going and if we were going to be able to save our house. I felt prompted to tell him a bit of our story, so did. He listened quite intently - I'm not sure what was going on in his head - and then told me that he and his wife certainly did believe in the power of prayer. I told him that I believe in the power of prayer, and it's so awesome to see the supernatural power of the Lord working in our lives. That's when he told me they were Jehovah's Witnesses! I don't know all of what they believe, but I don't think it leaves much room for the Lord to supernaturally move in a stay-at-home mom turned Bible college student's life. I know that some seeds were planted. And also, all along, there was another guy listening to our conversation. I love it when God moves.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I'm critical.
Wow. I was wondering what was up with David. Lately he's been pulling away from me. He doesn't go to school in the mornings anymore with me. He finds reasons to avoid me. Just very subtly.
Well, I pushed him into a corner and he let me have it.
I'm critical. I don't value his opinion. I get mad and the kids scatter.
I guess so.
It's a hard pill to swallow and I know it has to be gotten under control.
I know that a part of it will come about through my current fast. My flesh is not wanting to line up with the spirit, so I'm not going to give it a choice.
Through Christ, I have no condemnation. Man, that's hard to believe sometimes. I know it's true. I know this is not going to put me down an emotional rollercoaster. Right now, I'm feeling pretty yucky, but I'll make it.
He told me that I put my best foot forward with our classmates and here at home I am critical of every little thing he does. He said that I minister to my friends, then am critical about them. It's pretty much true.
Jesus, I need you to show me what revelation I'm missing to break this bond on me. I don't like it. I don't like my flesh having this control. I don't like my husband having that opinion of me. It is a poison and it brings death to us. I am redeemed from the curse. I don't have to be in any bondage. Just like I don't like putting anything into my body that causes problems if I don't have it, I don't want anything coming out of my mouth that causes problems. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I need to have this heart condition fixed, Lord. I need it. I know you are my very present help in time of need and I know you are here.
Thank you for your finished work at the cross and that I can look to it. Thank you for what you've already done for me. Please, please, please show me how to walk in it. I'm knocking. With all my heart, I'm knocking.
Well, I pushed him into a corner and he let me have it.
I'm critical. I don't value his opinion. I get mad and the kids scatter.
I guess so.
It's a hard pill to swallow and I know it has to be gotten under control.
I know that a part of it will come about through my current fast. My flesh is not wanting to line up with the spirit, so I'm not going to give it a choice.
Through Christ, I have no condemnation. Man, that's hard to believe sometimes. I know it's true. I know this is not going to put me down an emotional rollercoaster. Right now, I'm feeling pretty yucky, but I'll make it.
He told me that I put my best foot forward with our classmates and here at home I am critical of every little thing he does. He said that I minister to my friends, then am critical about them. It's pretty much true.
Jesus, I need you to show me what revelation I'm missing to break this bond on me. I don't like it. I don't like my flesh having this control. I don't like my husband having that opinion of me. It is a poison and it brings death to us. I am redeemed from the curse. I don't have to be in any bondage. Just like I don't like putting anything into my body that causes problems if I don't have it, I don't want anything coming out of my mouth that causes problems. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I need to have this heart condition fixed, Lord. I need it. I know you are my very present help in time of need and I know you are here.
Thank you for your finished work at the cross and that I can look to it. Thank you for what you've already done for me. Please, please, please show me how to walk in it. I'm knocking. With all my heart, I'm knocking.
Monday, January 24, 2011
A quote from Joseph Prince...
"When you ask yourself, “Do I have enough faith?” you have already put faith as a hindrance between you and Jesus’ finished work. The more you focus on your faith, the more faith slips away. But if you focus on the finished work of Christ and see God’s grace toward you, God sees that as faith! Without realizing it, faith is there in your heart to believe that you will not die of what Christ Himself has already borne away completely for you, and you will see your miracle manifest!" - Joseph Prince
A while back, I realized that I had a sort of a hindrance with believing whether or not I had enough faith. If I sat there and pondered that, I could even bring myself to the point of asking if God was even real. That's kinda' scary, really.
I know it sounds crazy, but I prayed for a while that God would just prove Himself. Not so much in those words, but that was my prayer. He has, over and over, but He started by saying telling me to just not look at that doubt, and look to Him. As I look to Him, all else melts away and makes perfect sense.
I hadn't even thought about my original hangup about whether God was real or not until I read this. I know this quote is actually talking about healing, but the premise is the same - me looking to my faith got in the way. All I have to do is look to the finished work of Jesus. Just like the serpent in the wilderness - they had to look to it, and not to circumstances or anything else.
Oh, how He loves us!
A while back, I realized that I had a sort of a hindrance with believing whether or not I had enough faith. If I sat there and pondered that, I could even bring myself to the point of asking if God was even real. That's kinda' scary, really.
I know it sounds crazy, but I prayed for a while that God would just prove Himself. Not so much in those words, but that was my prayer. He has, over and over, but He started by saying telling me to just not look at that doubt, and look to Him. As I look to Him, all else melts away and makes perfect sense.
I hadn't even thought about my original hangup about whether God was real or not until I read this. I know this quote is actually talking about healing, but the premise is the same - me looking to my faith got in the way. All I have to do is look to the finished work of Jesus. Just like the serpent in the wilderness - they had to look to it, and not to circumstances or anything else.
Oh, how He loves us!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I totally copied this from my other blog...
I got up and went to church by myself this morning. Joshua didn't want to go, and David wanted to sleep in. The boys had been last night, so they slept in. I wasn't sure if I was working or not, so I kinda' needed to make sure.
Duane talked about holiness. He made the statement that it is possible to be holy and not love God, but it is impossible to love God and others and not be holy. The Pharisees proved that you can be holy and not love God. There was not a holier group of people. But if you love God and others, holiness follows. It's just the nature of it. That was a bonus. :-)
When we started the FFP, David made the comment that he sees it as a fast, not as a diet. I agreed. Sandra agreed. I believe the Lord led us to the FFP simply because of the nature of it. It is designed to clean the organs that filter your system, in a nutshell. The idea is to get the liver, kidneys and lymph system running cleanly and correctly and the rest of your body will follow suite. This lines up with all we've been learning about the Word. Your changes come from the inside. As you renew your mind, the rest follows. The desire to take care of myself comes from sitting under the Word that renews. It just follows. Effortlessly.
In Matt 23:26, Jesus was talking to the Pharisees. He said to cleanse the inside of the cup and the plate so that the outside may be clean also. I know he wasn't talking about a diet, but He still spoke a Truth that can be applied. As we cleanse the inside of our bodies, the outside will follow.
During the 2nd and 3rd days, I had a headache. I know it was a caffiene and sugar detox headache and I did not like it. Well, it rather just plain sucked. Anyway, during that time I realized that I do not want to be putting anything in my body that causes me to have a headache if I don't eat it. That's just plain silly and I don't want to be bound by anything on any level.
Oh, and I've lost 4 pounds. David's lost 7. Punk.
Duane talked about holiness. He made the statement that it is possible to be holy and not love God, but it is impossible to love God and others and not be holy. The Pharisees proved that you can be holy and not love God. There was not a holier group of people. But if you love God and others, holiness follows. It's just the nature of it. That was a bonus. :-)
When we started the FFP, David made the comment that he sees it as a fast, not as a diet. I agreed. Sandra agreed. I believe the Lord led us to the FFP simply because of the nature of it. It is designed to clean the organs that filter your system, in a nutshell. The idea is to get the liver, kidneys and lymph system running cleanly and correctly and the rest of your body will follow suite. This lines up with all we've been learning about the Word. Your changes come from the inside. As you renew your mind, the rest follows. The desire to take care of myself comes from sitting under the Word that renews. It just follows. Effortlessly.
In Matt 23:26, Jesus was talking to the Pharisees. He said to cleanse the inside of the cup and the plate so that the outside may be clean also. I know he wasn't talking about a diet, but He still spoke a Truth that can be applied. As we cleanse the inside of our bodies, the outside will follow.
During the 2nd and 3rd days, I had a headache. I know it was a caffiene and sugar detox headache and I did not like it. Well, it rather just plain sucked. Anyway, during that time I realized that I do not want to be putting anything in my body that causes me to have a headache if I don't eat it. That's just plain silly and I don't want to be bound by anything on any level.
Oh, and I've lost 4 pounds. David's lost 7. Punk.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Ads on my blog
Interesting.
I recently decided to check into ads on my blog. I applied with Google and they approved it. I have no idea what the qualifications are, and that's ok. Probably everybody gets approved.
Anyway, just after that, I had blogged on my other blog that we started the Fat Flush Diet. I got a comment from a Fat Flush Diet marketing rep asking me if I would be ok with them linking my blog to their Facebook fan page. Ok.
I put the ads on that blog and this one and gave her the go-ahead to link up. We'll see what happens...
My other blog is http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/.
I recently decided to check into ads on my blog. I applied with Google and they approved it. I have no idea what the qualifications are, and that's ok. Probably everybody gets approved.
Anyway, just after that, I had blogged on my other blog that we started the Fat Flush Diet. I got a comment from a Fat Flush Diet marketing rep asking me if I would be ok with them linking my blog to their Facebook fan page. Ok.
I put the ads on that blog and this one and gave her the go-ahead to link up. We'll see what happens...
My other blog is http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Fat Flush Plan
Well, I'm all over the place. One day it's heavy revelations pending and another it's the Fat Flush Plan. Not boring, though. And my FFP is rather mixed with revelations.
We started yesterday. I won't go into all that you do for the diet here, but it lines up with everything I've been learning lately on a spiritual level.
You can't bear fruit by chasing the fruit or doing it on your own. You simply become the tree and the fruit will come. That's fruit of the Spirit. We become the tree by planting ourselves by streams of living water (Psalms 1) and growing. The living water, of course, is Jesus. If we seek Him and His Kingdom, we will bear fruit.
One of those fruits is self control. I'm amazed as to how we came up with this diet. I've always been interested in it - ever since I first saw it on a church friend's FB page. I never got around to it, and just kinda' filed it in my brain. Over the past couple of weeks, I've just had it raise up in me to want to do it. Almost like an urge. That's God.
I researched it a bit online, bought some of the basics and started making plans. I spent the night with Sandra Sunday night and we went to Half Priced Books on Monday. They had exactly two copies, so we each got one. Oh, as soon as I mentioned dieting, she jumped on board. She said that the Lord had put it on her heart also, and it was confirmed with us doing this. Funny.
The FFP targets getting your organs flushed and working properly to begin with, then maintaining them while your body comes in line with becoming healthy. Weight loss is a side effect. Pretty cool.
David and I were discussing it the night before we started and he said he sees this as a fast. He is getting his body in line with his spirit. I was seeing it the same way, but without putting the title on it.
I might have been all over the place, but don't have what it takes to fix it right now...
We started yesterday. I won't go into all that you do for the diet here, but it lines up with everything I've been learning lately on a spiritual level.
You can't bear fruit by chasing the fruit or doing it on your own. You simply become the tree and the fruit will come. That's fruit of the Spirit. We become the tree by planting ourselves by streams of living water (Psalms 1) and growing. The living water, of course, is Jesus. If we seek Him and His Kingdom, we will bear fruit.
One of those fruits is self control. I'm amazed as to how we came up with this diet. I've always been interested in it - ever since I first saw it on a church friend's FB page. I never got around to it, and just kinda' filed it in my brain. Over the past couple of weeks, I've just had it raise up in me to want to do it. Almost like an urge. That's God.
I researched it a bit online, bought some of the basics and started making plans. I spent the night with Sandra Sunday night and we went to Half Priced Books on Monday. They had exactly two copies, so we each got one. Oh, as soon as I mentioned dieting, she jumped on board. She said that the Lord had put it on her heart also, and it was confirmed with us doing this. Funny.
The FFP targets getting your organs flushed and working properly to begin with, then maintaining them while your body comes in line with becoming healthy. Weight loss is a side effect. Pretty cool.
David and I were discussing it the night before we started and he said he sees this as a fast. He is getting his body in line with his spirit. I was seeing it the same way, but without putting the title on it.
I might have been all over the place, but don't have what it takes to fix it right now...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
On the verge of a revelation...
There is a passage of scripture that I've been asking the Lord about. What does He mean "Many are called, but few are chosen."? I was always taught that this simply meant that there were many with a "calling" on their lives, but few "chose" to follow that calling. I don't think that's correct. When you look at the way the sentence is structured, it should read that all are called, but few choose to follow the Lord. The way it is written, it is saying that whoever is doing the calling is also doing the choosing. The way I was taught to interpret it, the Lord is doing the calling and we are doing the choosing. I'm sure my writing is a bit jumbled, but I think the idea is getting down. I know I write in circles... He'll show me what it means. Also, that interpretation is not in context. He is talking about the man who hires workers for his field at different times of the day and then gives them all the same payment at the end of the day. Some are not happy because the feel like they've been jilted, so to speak. Then He talks about first being last and last first. And then it's "many are called, few are chosen". What does it mean? I'll be sure to post it when He tells me.
Also...I believe there is a difference between being "saved" and being "born again". There are many passages that lead me to believe this, but also my own personal experiences would. To be saved, we simply need to believe in our hearts and call upon the name of the Lord. But we must be born again to see the Kingdom of Heaven. I don't think they are the same, as the Kingdom of Heaven is for the here and now, along with our life in Heaven after death (the Kingdom is not just for after our physical death). And I know there are masses of people who are saved, but don't walk in Kingdom principles, so they don't "see" the Kingdom of God. There's so much there that can be misinterpreted, it's not my intent to confuse. I'm studying that one out, so I'm sure I'll be posting my discoveries here - and I may be wrong, but the Holy Spirit is nudging me to check it out. It'll be a fun journey. I love Kingdom stuff!
As Jesus is, so are we in this world! Amen!
Also...I believe there is a difference between being "saved" and being "born again". There are many passages that lead me to believe this, but also my own personal experiences would. To be saved, we simply need to believe in our hearts and call upon the name of the Lord. But we must be born again to see the Kingdom of Heaven. I don't think they are the same, as the Kingdom of Heaven is for the here and now, along with our life in Heaven after death (the Kingdom is not just for after our physical death). And I know there are masses of people who are saved, but don't walk in Kingdom principles, so they don't "see" the Kingdom of God. There's so much there that can be misinterpreted, it's not my intent to confuse. I'm studying that one out, so I'm sure I'll be posting my discoveries here - and I may be wrong, but the Holy Spirit is nudging me to check it out. It'll be a fun journey. I love Kingdom stuff!
As Jesus is, so are we in this world! Amen!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Things are changing
I'm having some issues. I had a hysterectomy in the Fall of 2007. Since we've been in this job slump, we haven't had insurance and I haven't gotten my normal hormone medication. My sweet friend who works at a gyno office is helping me with patches, but they are just not the same. I just don't want to be touched or talked to quite a bit. I'm thinking we need to up it a bit. I was going through this process with my regular gyno when we figured out the medication that works best for me and it works in 3 month cycles and is about $300. Kinda' pricey for right now.
Anyway, I was going to write about a whole scenerio that happened last night, and well, I think I will. This blog is my "secret" blog. hehe. Actually, it's not a secret, so to speak, as it's public, but I haven't given it to anybody I know in real life. I don't plan to. So, if you're reading this, it's because you either stumbled upon it, or I just know you from blogworld. If I just know you from blogworld and you want to see my other, less posted in family blog, it's http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/. Enjoy.
Last night, I went to bed about midnight. David was still up in the living room. Josh had been asleep for about an hour. I had fallen asleep on the futon bed in his room while reading my Bible and waiting for him to crash. The boys are at my mom's.
David came in about 1:30ish and was feeling frisky. I totally did NOT want to be awake and when I had finally quit being grumpy about it, Josh came in. I could tell immediately that David was not happy about it, and it was directed toward me - like I did something to cause that. Maybe he thought if I hadn't waited so long, we would have been done or something. I don't know.
Anyway, Josh just "wanted me" and "I wasn't on his couch". I lay there between the two of them and simply asked "well, now what am I supposed to do?" David ignored me, so I told him it wasn't rhetorical. He said, "I don't know". But it wasn't a very nice "I don't know". I said, "Either way I go, somebody's gonna be upset with me." Basically, I felt like I had to choose between making my husband happy or removing myself from my son who just "wanted me". I have never, ever been one to put off my child when it's the middle of the night and they just need Mama.
So, I offered chocolate milk to Josh (something he never gets in the middle of the night), and we got up to get it. I got back on the futon for a bit and asked him if he wanted to hold a flashlight (something else he doesn't get at night) while I went to "talk" to Daddy. He did, so I went.
I actually ended up sleeping on the futon, but it was ok. Josh got up at some point and got on there with me and that was ok too. He's such a sweet baby and I know he won't need me like that forever.
The reason for the whole post is to show that things are changing. A few months ago, that scenerio would not have turned out ok. David would have been angry and unapproachable. I would have not come back to him after getting Josh settled. It would have an altogether different outcome. The changes come from simply sitting under the Word so much. I love it and crave it.
The whole hormone story was just an added bonus and explains why I think I really just didn't want him to touch me to begin with. It's a difficult spot for me because I love the affections of my husband and kids. When this mess is going on, I just want them to leave me alone. It will be over soon.
Anyway, I was going to write about a whole scenerio that happened last night, and well, I think I will. This blog is my "secret" blog. hehe. Actually, it's not a secret, so to speak, as it's public, but I haven't given it to anybody I know in real life. I don't plan to. So, if you're reading this, it's because you either stumbled upon it, or I just know you from blogworld. If I just know you from blogworld and you want to see my other, less posted in family blog, it's http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/. Enjoy.
Last night, I went to bed about midnight. David was still up in the living room. Josh had been asleep for about an hour. I had fallen asleep on the futon bed in his room while reading my Bible and waiting for him to crash. The boys are at my mom's.
David came in about 1:30ish and was feeling frisky. I totally did NOT want to be awake and when I had finally quit being grumpy about it, Josh came in. I could tell immediately that David was not happy about it, and it was directed toward me - like I did something to cause that. Maybe he thought if I hadn't waited so long, we would have been done or something. I don't know.
Anyway, Josh just "wanted me" and "I wasn't on his couch". I lay there between the two of them and simply asked "well, now what am I supposed to do?" David ignored me, so I told him it wasn't rhetorical. He said, "I don't know". But it wasn't a very nice "I don't know". I said, "Either way I go, somebody's gonna be upset with me." Basically, I felt like I had to choose between making my husband happy or removing myself from my son who just "wanted me". I have never, ever been one to put off my child when it's the middle of the night and they just need Mama.
So, I offered chocolate milk to Josh (something he never gets in the middle of the night), and we got up to get it. I got back on the futon for a bit and asked him if he wanted to hold a flashlight (something else he doesn't get at night) while I went to "talk" to Daddy. He did, so I went.
I actually ended up sleeping on the futon, but it was ok. Josh got up at some point and got on there with me and that was ok too. He's such a sweet baby and I know he won't need me like that forever.
The reason for the whole post is to show that things are changing. A few months ago, that scenerio would not have turned out ok. David would have been angry and unapproachable. I would have not come back to him after getting Josh settled. It would have an altogether different outcome. The changes come from simply sitting under the Word so much. I love it and crave it.
The whole hormone story was just an added bonus and explains why I think I really just didn't want him to touch me to begin with. It's a difficult spot for me because I love the affections of my husband and kids. When this mess is going on, I just want them to leave me alone. It will be over soon.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sometimes
I really want to just fire off a rant, but that's not ok. The Lord has taught me that whatever you give a "vent" to or "place" to will grow. I used to not understand this, but I do now. Whenever I ponder on something or vent it to a girlfriend, my feelings and emotions about it grow. If I shut up about it and refuse to give it a place, it shrivels up and dies for lack of nourishment.
Along those same lines, if I allow somebody else to rant to me - say, for instance, about their husband, I start picking out those qualities in mine that previously never bothered me. Or I just go down that negative highway.
Since I've been sitting under the Word so much, I can see so many changes. Just like Andrew says, changes are effortless. We can't do it in our own power. It's the cleansing of the Word. It's the Holy Spirit.
What an amazing and mighty God we serve!
Along those same lines, if I allow somebody else to rant to me - say, for instance, about their husband, I start picking out those qualities in mine that previously never bothered me. Or I just go down that negative highway.
Since I've been sitting under the Word so much, I can see so many changes. Just like Andrew says, changes are effortless. We can't do it in our own power. It's the cleansing of the Word. It's the Holy Spirit.
What an amazing and mighty God we serve!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Fresh Revelation
School's back in session! I'm so excited. Well, I'm mostly tired right now. Really tired. So, I'll be hitting the hay very shortly.
I asked the Lord to show me a fresh revelation of His Righteousness. And oh, how He loves to give revelation! What an amazingly wonderful Lord!
Duane has been going through his second series on being "Established in Righteousness". Awesome stuff. I'm so thankful for a truly godly pastor and a church family. There are really not too many churches who speak the undiluted Truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There are not too many churches who teach full salvation, not just salvation from hell. I might preach in a minute....
Anyway, Righteousness. Barry Bennett took things a step farther yesterday and delivered the revelation from Jesus for me. He interpreted Mark 3:27..."No man can enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house." This has always been a bit of a mystery to me. Why would Jesus say that?
First, when the scripture says that "His ways are higher than our ways" and "His thoughts are higher than our thoughts". It doesn't mean that we are not to understand Him. The Kingdom of God was hidden from satan, not from us. The Kingdom was hidden for us. If the Kingdom and it's principles had not been hidden from satan, satan would have never crucified Jesus. Jesus had to die. If the enemy had known that, Jesus would still be alive and walking on the earth today. Sin is what decays the body - Jesus was sinless. He would have lived on Earth forever. So, understanding that, I love to search the scriptures. LOVE it!
Strong man. Jesus was referring to us entering the strong man's house. Why on Earth would he put something like that in scripture. Why would we want to enter a strong man's house? For a long time, well, like forever, I thought that Jesus was telling us how to steal from somebody. And really, He was. He was telling us how to take over the Earth - the strong man's house. Satan (the strong man) has legal rights to the Earth. We gave it to him in the garden. Jesus took the rights back at Calvary, but we have to be in Him to be victorious. Satan is a lawyer. He knows his rights. Only by us knowing who we are in Christ and understanding our authority in Him - by knowing that we are the Righteousness of Christ, can we bind the strong man and enter his house and spoil his goods. Wow. I know I don't deliver quite like Barry Bennett, but there it is.
I love fresh revelation. There was so much more, but I could never get it all typed out.
I asked the Lord to show me a fresh revelation of His Righteousness. And oh, how He loves to give revelation! What an amazingly wonderful Lord!
Duane has been going through his second series on being "Established in Righteousness". Awesome stuff. I'm so thankful for a truly godly pastor and a church family. There are really not too many churches who speak the undiluted Truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There are not too many churches who teach full salvation, not just salvation from hell. I might preach in a minute....
Anyway, Righteousness. Barry Bennett took things a step farther yesterday and delivered the revelation from Jesus for me. He interpreted Mark 3:27..."No man can enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house." This has always been a bit of a mystery to me. Why would Jesus say that?
First, when the scripture says that "His ways are higher than our ways" and "His thoughts are higher than our thoughts". It doesn't mean that we are not to understand Him. The Kingdom of God was hidden from satan, not from us. The Kingdom was hidden for us. If the Kingdom and it's principles had not been hidden from satan, satan would have never crucified Jesus. Jesus had to die. If the enemy had known that, Jesus would still be alive and walking on the earth today. Sin is what decays the body - Jesus was sinless. He would have lived on Earth forever. So, understanding that, I love to search the scriptures. LOVE it!
Strong man. Jesus was referring to us entering the strong man's house. Why on Earth would he put something like that in scripture. Why would we want to enter a strong man's house? For a long time, well, like forever, I thought that Jesus was telling us how to steal from somebody. And really, He was. He was telling us how to take over the Earth - the strong man's house. Satan (the strong man) has legal rights to the Earth. We gave it to him in the garden. Jesus took the rights back at Calvary, but we have to be in Him to be victorious. Satan is a lawyer. He knows his rights. Only by us knowing who we are in Christ and understanding our authority in Him - by knowing that we are the Righteousness of Christ, can we bind the strong man and enter his house and spoil his goods. Wow. I know I don't deliver quite like Barry Bennett, but there it is.
I love fresh revelation. There was so much more, but I could never get it all typed out.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
grrr....
I’m afraid to type this up in Blogger because the internet keeps crashing.
I’m so frustrated. I think it’s hormones, but that’s not an excuse. It seems to just ride along and build up for a while and then all come crashing down at once. I need to find the root of this. I’m sure it’s self. I literally could just really tear somebody up right now.
As I’m typing this, I feel it melting away and it seems like it will be followed by tears.
It snowed today. A lot. And it’s really pretty. But I want nothing more than to go to bed. And that’s not an option right now.
My husband has been trying to be sweet, but he’s not getting it. I don’t know how to tell him what I need to, but then I think it’s just me and my being emotionally led. It’s frustrating to try to decide what’s what.
My parents still don’t talk much about anything with me. I feel like an outcast. I know that’s not entirely abnormal for the position we’re in. It’s not right, though. But I know they will see. Probably. Well, for sure one day, anyway, but maybe later than sooner. I so wish they weren’t like they are, but it’s their choice.
There are so many things I want. I want fresh revelation from Jesus for myself. I want to take pictures with a good camera. I want my kids to stop leaving the doors open when it’s 29 degrees outside. I want to not have to clean the kitchen 5 times per day – it would make sense for somebody else (anybody else) to do something. I want to get away with my husband somewhere for a few days – we’ve never done that. I want my family to support me. I want to go to school tomorrow, but probably won’t be able to with the weather. I want the boys to keep their rooms clean. I want their bathroom clean. I want to not be so very selfish. I want righteousness. I want to walk in the Blessing. I want to be the answer to somebody’s prayer. I want to be used by God. I want others to see Him and not me. I want to walk out my salvation with fear and trembling. I want all the Promises of God – I know they are yes and amen in Jesus. I want to pray for the sick and watch them recover. I want to see signs and wonders follow me because I believe.
I get Paul’s struggle in Romans 7.
But, thank you, Jesus for Romans 8! Thank you that I have no condemnation because I am in You. Thank you that I can put off the stinky me of just a few minutes ago in favor of righteousness. Thank you that I am righteous and truly holy in you. Thank you for my new nature. Thank you for your promises.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Our house
David said when he took a shower the other morning it felt like we'd been given our house all over again. We have.
Last week, we got a notice from a loss mitigation company that we could do a modification to save our house. We sent some info to them and then got a little unsure of the whole thing because their wire information was to a person and not a company for their processing fee. David called the mortgage company and they had never heard of the loss mitigation company before. The mortgage company also told us that we would need to have filed the info for a modification at least 10 days before it was scheduled to sell. Ok.
We had a wonderful New Year's time at our house on Friday night. It was lots of laughs, communion and some really awesome prayer time. I spent some time afterward looking up info on foreclosures and the process to see what would happen directly after our house sold. I needed to know what we needed to tell the kids and if we should start getting ready to move. During my mini research session, I came across an attorney who had done a question/answer session on a message board. He said that the owner of the home legally had until the day prior to the sale to make the house current. Ok.
Saturday night we went to church like normal. I heard from somebody that they had felt the Lord tell them to bring us current! Amazing! God is so great.
Sunday morning we came back to church so both of us could work. We told Pastor Jeff and he got really excited, of course. We had met with him during the week prior, so he needed to hear that.
Monday morning, we were trying to get ahold of the mortgage company to find out exactly what needed to be done and who needed to be called. We got nothing but busy signals. David called the attorney who was handling the foreclosure and they said that the house was no longer scheduled to sell on Tuesday because there had been a requestion from the mortgage company to stop it so we could modify. God used that loss mitigation company to put a hold on everything! Awesome because we couldn't even get through to the mortgage company at this point. The attorney said that they could actually take our money and pay it current, but they need to get a statement from the mortgage company in order to do that and it would take four to five days. They are going to call back.
We went out to breakfast and then ran some errands. I got an amazing Bible that I have been wanting for a while now. We also toured the playcare we will be using for Joshua. I'm so very excited about it. He is going to love it!
David had an interview with OfficeMax today, that went well. He is supposed to hear from their GM on Friday to schedule an interview with him and then see from there.
I love the Lord with all my heart. Even when things don't look right. I am so excited about this amazing journey we are on. I am so excited about the Kingdom of God.
The Lord showed me that during this process, we have crossed a threshhold. We are no longer walking in crisis mode. Our blessings are overtaking us, and we will walk in the blessing from here. We will be to a point very soon where we will be able to see a need and fill it. We will be the blessed to work others' miracles for God. I am so excited and thankful to Him who is and was and is to come. In Him, I have my life and being. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Father. And thank you, Holy Spirit for comforting me, leading me and guiding me into all truth.
The Lord also showed me that we are the ones who put the value on a miracle. A $5 miracle is no different to God than a $6000 miracle. I had head knowledge of that, but it really dropped into my heart through this. Our miraculous God is truly amazing. Words escape me.
Last week, we got a notice from a loss mitigation company that we could do a modification to save our house. We sent some info to them and then got a little unsure of the whole thing because their wire information was to a person and not a company for their processing fee. David called the mortgage company and they had never heard of the loss mitigation company before. The mortgage company also told us that we would need to have filed the info for a modification at least 10 days before it was scheduled to sell. Ok.
We had a wonderful New Year's time at our house on Friday night. It was lots of laughs, communion and some really awesome prayer time. I spent some time afterward looking up info on foreclosures and the process to see what would happen directly after our house sold. I needed to know what we needed to tell the kids and if we should start getting ready to move. During my mini research session, I came across an attorney who had done a question/answer session on a message board. He said that the owner of the home legally had until the day prior to the sale to make the house current. Ok.
Saturday night we went to church like normal. I heard from somebody that they had felt the Lord tell them to bring us current! Amazing! God is so great.
Sunday morning we came back to church so both of us could work. We told Pastor Jeff and he got really excited, of course. We had met with him during the week prior, so he needed to hear that.
Monday morning, we were trying to get ahold of the mortgage company to find out exactly what needed to be done and who needed to be called. We got nothing but busy signals. David called the attorney who was handling the foreclosure and they said that the house was no longer scheduled to sell on Tuesday because there had been a requestion from the mortgage company to stop it so we could modify. God used that loss mitigation company to put a hold on everything! Awesome because we couldn't even get through to the mortgage company at this point. The attorney said that they could actually take our money and pay it current, but they need to get a statement from the mortgage company in order to do that and it would take four to five days. They are going to call back.
We went out to breakfast and then ran some errands. I got an amazing Bible that I have been wanting for a while now. We also toured the playcare we will be using for Joshua. I'm so very excited about it. He is going to love it!
David had an interview with OfficeMax today, that went well. He is supposed to hear from their GM on Friday to schedule an interview with him and then see from there.
I love the Lord with all my heart. Even when things don't look right. I am so excited about this amazing journey we are on. I am so excited about the Kingdom of God.
The Lord showed me that during this process, we have crossed a threshhold. We are no longer walking in crisis mode. Our blessings are overtaking us, and we will walk in the blessing from here. We will be to a point very soon where we will be able to see a need and fill it. We will be the blessed to work others' miracles for God. I am so excited and thankful to Him who is and was and is to come. In Him, I have my life and being. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Father. And thank you, Holy Spirit for comforting me, leading me and guiding me into all truth.
The Lord also showed me that we are the ones who put the value on a miracle. A $5 miracle is no different to God than a $6000 miracle. I had head knowledge of that, but it really dropped into my heart through this. Our miraculous God is truly amazing. Words escape me.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
some things learned through this
I'm sure I'll have lots of posts that have a similar title as this one.
I've learned that miracles are all the same to God. I mean that a $5.00 miracle is the same size as a $6,000.00 miracle. They are no different.
I've learned that we have stepped over the threshhold of walking in the blessing. I know this because the blessings are about to overtake us.
I've learned that the Lord is the Giver of Gifts, truly.
I've learned that the Lord is on time.
I've learned that He cares so much about the details.
I've learned that He really just wants us to trust Him.
I've learned that it's no big deal to Him to come up with the $$ to save our house.
I've learned how to allow Him to break the spirit of poverty over us.
I've learned that He puts the right people in your life at the right time.
God is amazing.
And if it's hard to figure out - He's redeemed our house. I'll have more on that on Monday. :-)
I've learned that miracles are all the same to God. I mean that a $5.00 miracle is the same size as a $6,000.00 miracle. They are no different.
I've learned that we have stepped over the threshhold of walking in the blessing. I know this because the blessings are about to overtake us.
I've learned that the Lord is the Giver of Gifts, truly.
I've learned that the Lord is on time.
I've learned that He cares so much about the details.
I've learned that He really just wants us to trust Him.
I've learned that it's no big deal to Him to come up with the $$ to save our house.
I've learned how to allow Him to break the spirit of poverty over us.
I've learned that He puts the right people in your life at the right time.
God is amazing.
And if it's hard to figure out - He's redeemed our house. I'll have more on that on Monday. :-)
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