God showed me some stuff.

***  I am not a husband basher - I adore my husband, but like anybody, we have times where we have to work through some things.  These things do not in any way reduce the amount of admiration and love I have for him.  They are just that, things we have to work through.  And they make us stronger.  David is a wonderful, godly husband and father and I could not ask for a better man.  ***

I believe He was able to show me more because of the increased sensitivity because of my fast. 

I was praying about mine and David's situation the other day.  (It's all blown over and we're just fine now.)  The Lord showed me that David had taken some traits that I have had over the years and made them into me.  Meaning, he had made me those things instead of seeing them as just traits that I have and things I have to deal with.

I know there is truth to me being critical.  I don't deny it and am working with the Lord on finding the root of that to get it removed.  I am in no way minimizing it.  I am starting to see that some of it comes from envy and jealousy.  We are taking a class on envy and jealousy right now, and alot of it is ringing with me.  But, I do believe that David had taken some thoughts, pondered them, and turned them into emotions.  He had seen anything and everything that I have said recently as being critical, whether it was or wasn't.  The times I was truly critical, he used to enforce his belief that I am just critical all the time.  It had grown with him until he just blew his top when I pushed on him to see what was going on. 

I can almost visualize it.  I believe that the Lord would have shown me the truth of the situation without the fast, but with it, He was able to truly show me the depth of it all.  Also, I was able to temper my frustration about it more quickly because He showed me so quickly how it all came about.  My flesh was already being fasted into submission, so anger and frustration were easy to simmer down.

After that incident, he was really lovey-dovey toward me and wanted to snuggle and cuddle all the time.  He is an affectionate person, but he was being much more affectionate than ever normal.  He was doing this because he had just had an emotional release and then felt better and actually more affectionate toward me. 

We sat down and talked about everything and I told him some of what the Lord had shown me.  (All of it isn't here, of course - some is too private.  And some was just for my understanding and not to share with him.)  Everything is really good now.  Really good, I might add.  I love my husband so much!

On a totally different note...

I took a cashier's check by to reinstate our mortgage loan and catch it up to date!!! Wow!  God is awesome!

In the lobby of the attorney's office, I sat down next to a couple who started chatting with me.  They were there to do the same thing.  The gentleman asked me how everything was going and if we were going to be able to save our house.  I felt prompted to tell him a bit of our story, so did.  He listened quite intently - I'm not sure what was going on in his head - and then told me that he and his wife certainly did believe in the power of prayer.  I told him that I believe in the power of prayer, and it's so awesome to see the supernatural power of the Lord working in our lives.  That's when he told me they were Jehovah's Witnesses!  I don't know all of what they believe, but I don't think it leaves much room for the Lord to supernaturally move in a stay-at-home mom turned Bible college student's life.  I know that some seeds were planted.  And also, all along, there was another guy listening to our conversation.  I love it when God moves.

I'm critical.

Wow.  I was wondering what was up with David.  Lately he's been pulling away from me.  He doesn't go to school in the mornings anymore with me.  He finds reasons to avoid me.  Just very subtly. 

Well, I pushed him into a corner and he let me have it.

I'm critical.  I don't value his opinion.  I get mad and the kids scatter.

I guess so. 

It's a hard pill to swallow and I know it has to be gotten under control.

I know that a part of it will come about through my current fast.  My flesh is not wanting to line up with the spirit, so I'm not going to give it a choice.

Through Christ, I have no condemnation.  Man, that's hard to believe sometimes.  I know it's true.  I know this is not going to put me down an emotional rollercoaster.  Right now, I'm feeling pretty yucky, but I'll make it.

He told me that I put my best foot forward with our classmates and here at home I am critical of every little thing he does.  He said that I minister to my friends, then am critical about them.  It's pretty much true. 

Jesus, I need you to show me what revelation I'm missing to break this bond on me.  I don't like it.  I don't like my flesh having this control.  I don't like my husband having that opinion of me.  It is a poison and it brings death to us.  I am redeemed from the curse.  I don't have to be in any bondage.  Just like I don't like putting anything into my body that causes problems if I don't have it, I don't want anything coming out of my mouth that causes problems.  Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.  I need to have this heart condition fixed, Lord.  I need it.  I know you are my very present help in time of need and I know you are here. 

Thank you for your finished work at the cross and that I can look to it.  Thank you for what you've already done for me.  Please, please, please show me how to walk in it.  I'm knocking.  With all my heart, I'm knocking.

A quote from Joseph Prince...

"When you ask yourself, “Do I have enough faith?” you have already put faith as a hindrance between you and Jesus’ finished work. The more you focus on your faith, the more faith slips away. But if you focus on the finished work of Christ and see God’s grace toward you, God sees that as faith! Without realizing it, faith is there in your heart to believe that you will not die of what Christ Himself has already borne away completely for you, and you will see your miracle manifest!" - Joseph Prince

A while back, I realized that I had a sort of a hindrance with believing whether or not I had enough faith.  If I sat there and pondered that, I could even bring myself to the point of asking if God was even real.  That's kinda' scary, really. 

I know it sounds crazy, but I prayed for a while that God would just prove Himself.  Not so much in those words, but that was my prayer.  He has, over and over, but He started by saying telling me to just not look at that doubt, and look to Him.  As I look to Him, all else melts away and makes perfect sense. 

I hadn't even thought about my original hangup about whether God was real or not until I read this.  I know this quote is actually talking about healing, but the premise is the same - me looking to my faith got in the way.  All I have to do is look to the finished work of Jesus.  Just like the serpent in the wilderness - they had to look to it, and not to circumstances or anything else. 

Oh, how He loves us!

I totally copied this from my other blog...

I got up and went to church by myself this morning. Joshua didn't want to go, and David wanted to sleep in. The boys had been last night, so they slept in. I wasn't sure if I was working or not, so I kinda' needed to make sure.

Duane talked about holiness. He made the statement that it is possible to be holy and not love God, but it is impossible to love God and others and not be holy. The Pharisees proved that you can be holy and not love God. There was not a holier group of people. But if you love God and others, holiness follows. It's just the nature of it. That was a bonus. :-)

When we started the FFP, David made the comment that he sees it as a fast, not as a diet. I agreed. Sandra agreed. I believe the Lord led us to the FFP simply because of the nature of it. It is designed to clean the organs that filter your system, in a nutshell. The idea is to get the liver, kidneys and lymph system running cleanly and correctly and the rest of your body will follow suite. This lines up with all we've been learning about the Word. Your changes come from the inside. As you renew your mind, the rest follows. The desire to take care of myself comes from sitting under the Word that renews. It just follows. Effortlessly.

In Matt 23:26, Jesus was talking to the Pharisees. He said to cleanse the inside of the cup and the plate so that the outside may be clean also. I know he wasn't talking about a diet, but He still spoke a Truth that can be applied. As we cleanse the inside of our bodies, the outside will follow.

During the 2nd and 3rd days, I had a headache. I know it was a caffiene and sugar detox headache and I did not like it. Well, it rather just plain sucked. Anyway, during that time I realized that I do not want to be putting anything in my body that causes me to have a headache if I don't eat it. That's just plain silly and I don't want to be bound by anything on any level.

Oh, and I've lost 4 pounds. David's lost 7. Punk.

Ads on my blog

Interesting.

I recently decided to check into ads on my blog.  I applied with Google and they approved it.  I have no idea what the qualifications are, and that's ok.  Probably everybody gets approved. 

Anyway, just after that, I had blogged on my other blog that we started the Fat Flush Diet.  I got a comment from a Fat Flush Diet marketing rep asking me if I would be ok with them linking my blog to their Facebook fan page.  Ok.

I put the ads on that blog and this one and gave her the go-ahead to link up.  We'll see what happens...

My other blog is http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/.

Fat Flush Plan

Well, I'm all over the place.  One day it's heavy revelations pending and another it's the Fat Flush Plan.  Not boring, though.  And my FFP is rather mixed with revelations.

We started yesterday.  I won't go into all that you do for the diet here, but it lines up with everything I've been learning lately on a spiritual level.

You can't bear fruit by chasing the fruit or doing it on your own.  You simply become the tree and the fruit will come.  That's fruit of the Spirit.  We become the tree by planting ourselves by streams of living water (Psalms 1) and growing.  The living water, of course, is Jesus.  If we seek Him and His Kingdom, we will bear fruit. 

One of those fruits is self control.  I'm amazed as to how we came up with this diet.  I've always been interested in it - ever since I first saw it on a church friend's FB page.  I never got around to it, and just kinda' filed it in my brain.  Over the past couple of weeks, I've just had it raise up in me to want to do it.  Almost like an urge.  That's God.

I researched it a bit online, bought some of the basics and started making plans.  I spent the night with Sandra Sunday night and we went to Half Priced Books on Monday.  They had exactly two copies, so we each got one.  Oh, as soon as I mentioned dieting, she jumped on board.  She said that the Lord had put it on her heart also, and it was confirmed with us doing this.  Funny.

The FFP targets getting your organs flushed and working properly to begin with, then maintaining them while your body comes in line with becoming healthy.  Weight loss is a side effect.  Pretty cool.

David and I were discussing it the night before we started and he said he sees this as a fast.  He is getting his body in line with his spirit.  I was seeing it the same way, but without putting the title on it. 

I might have been all over the place, but don't have what it takes to fix it right now...

On the verge of a revelation...

There is a passage of scripture that I've been asking the Lord about.  What does He mean "Many are called, but few are chosen."?  I was always taught that this simply meant that there were many with a "calling" on their lives, but few "chose" to follow that calling.  I don't think that's correct.  When you look at the way the sentence is structured, it should read that all are called, but few choose to follow the Lord.  The way it is written, it is saying that whoever is doing the calling is also doing the choosing.  The way I was taught to interpret it, the Lord is doing the calling and we are doing the choosing.  I'm sure my writing is a bit jumbled, but I think the idea is getting down.  I know I write in circles...  He'll show me what it means.  Also, that interpretation is not in context.  He is talking about the man who hires workers for his field at different times of the day and then gives them all the same payment at the end of the day.  Some are not happy because the feel like they've been jilted, so to speak.  Then He talks about first being last and last first.  And then it's "many are called, few are chosen".  What does it mean?  I'll be sure to post it when He tells me.

Also...I believe there is a difference between being "saved" and being "born again".  There are many passages that lead me to believe this, but also my own personal experiences would.  To be saved, we simply need to believe in our hearts and call upon the name of the Lord.  But we must be born again to see the Kingdom of Heaven.  I don't think they are the same, as the Kingdom of Heaven is for the here and now, along with our life in Heaven after death (the Kingdom is not just for after our physical death).  And I know there are masses of people who are saved, but don't walk in Kingdom principles, so they don't "see" the Kingdom of God.  There's so much there that can be misinterpreted, it's not my intent to confuse.  I'm studying that one out, so I'm sure I'll be posting my discoveries here - and I may be wrong, but the Holy Spirit is nudging me to check it out.  It'll be a fun journey.  I love Kingdom stuff! 

As Jesus is, so are we in this world!  Amen!

Things are changing

I'm having some issues.  I had a hysterectomy in the Fall of 2007.  Since we've been in this job slump, we haven't had insurance and I haven't gotten my normal hormone medication.  My sweet friend who works at a gyno office is helping me with patches, but they are just not the same.  I just don't want to be touched or talked to quite a bit.  I'm thinking we need to up it a bit.  I was going through this process with my regular gyno when we figured out the medication that works best for me and it works in 3 month cycles and is about $300.  Kinda' pricey for right now.

Anyway, I was going to write about a whole scenerio that happened last night, and well, I think I will.  This blog is my "secret" blog.  hehe.  Actually, it's not a secret, so to speak, as it's public, but I haven't given it to anybody I know in real life.  I don't plan to.  So, if you're reading this, it's because you either stumbled upon it, or I just know you from blogworld.  If I just know you from blogworld and you want to see my other, less posted in family blog, it's http://gracelikerain75.blogspot.com/.  Enjoy. 

Last night, I went to bed about midnight.  David was still up in the living room.  Josh had been asleep for about an hour.  I had fallen asleep on the futon bed in his room while reading my Bible and waiting for him to crash.  The boys are at my mom's.

David came in about 1:30ish and was feeling frisky.  I totally did NOT want to be awake and when I had finally quit being grumpy about it, Josh came in.  I could tell immediately that David was not happy about it, and it was directed toward me - like I did something to cause that.  Maybe he thought if I hadn't waited so long, we would have been done or something.  I don't know. 

Anyway, Josh just "wanted me" and "I wasn't on his couch".  I lay there between the two of them and simply asked "well, now what am I supposed to do?"  David ignored me, so I told him it wasn't rhetorical.  He said, "I don't know".  But it wasn't a very nice "I don't know".  I said, "Either way I go, somebody's gonna be upset with me."  Basically, I felt like I had to choose between making my husband happy or removing myself from my son who just "wanted me".  I have never, ever been one to put off my child when it's the middle of the night and they just need Mama. 

So, I offered chocolate milk to Josh (something he never gets in the middle of the night), and we got up to get it.  I got back on the futon for a bit and asked him if he wanted to hold a flashlight (something else he doesn't get at night) while I went to "talk" to Daddy.  He did, so I went. 

I actually ended up sleeping on the futon, but it was ok.  Josh got up at some point and got on there with me and that was ok too.  He's such a sweet baby and I know he won't need me like that forever.

The reason for the whole post is to show that things are changing.  A few months ago, that scenerio would not have turned out ok.  David would have been angry and unapproachable.  I would have not come back to him after getting Josh settled.  It would have an altogether different outcome.  The changes come from simply sitting under the Word so much.  I love it and crave it. 

The whole hormone story was just an added bonus and explains why I think I really just didn't want him to touch me to begin with.  It's a difficult spot for me because I love the affections of my husband and kids.  When this mess is going on, I just want them to leave me alone.  It will be over soon.

Sometimes

I really want to just fire off a rant, but that's not ok.  The Lord has taught me that whatever you give a "vent" to or "place" to will grow.  I used to not understand this, but I do now.  Whenever I ponder on something or vent it to a girlfriend, my feelings and emotions about it grow.  If I shut up about it and refuse to give it a place, it shrivels up and dies for lack of nourishment.

Along those same lines, if I allow somebody else to rant to me - say, for instance, about their husband, I start picking out those qualities in mine that previously never bothered me.  Or I just go down that negative highway.

Since I've been sitting under the Word so much, I can see so many changes.  Just like Andrew says, changes are effortless.  We can't do it in our own power.  It's the cleansing of the Word.  It's the Holy Spirit. 

What an amazing and mighty God we serve!

Fresh Revelation

School's back in session!  I'm so excited.  Well, I'm mostly tired right now.  Really tired.  So, I'll be hitting the hay very shortly.

I asked the Lord to show me a fresh revelation of His Righteousness.  And oh, how He loves to give revelation!  What an amazingly wonderful Lord! 

Duane has been going through his second series on being "Established in Righteousness".  Awesome stuff.  I'm so thankful for a truly godly pastor and a church family.  There are really not too many churches who speak the undiluted Truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There are not too many churches who teach full salvation, not just salvation from hell.  I might preach in a minute....

Anyway, Righteousness.  Barry Bennett took things a step farther yesterday and delivered the revelation from Jesus for me.  He interpreted Mark 3:27..."No man can enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his  goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house."  This has always been a bit of a mystery to me.  Why would Jesus say that?

First, when the scripture says that "His ways are higher than our ways" and "His thoughts are higher than our thoughts".  It doesn't mean that we are not to understand Him.  The Kingdom of God was hidden from satan, not from us.  The Kingdom was hidden for us.   If the Kingdom and it's principles had not been hidden from satan, satan would have never crucified Jesus.  Jesus had to die.  If the enemy had known that, Jesus would still be alive and walking on the earth today.  Sin is what decays the body - Jesus was sinless.  He would have lived on Earth forever.  So, understanding that, I love to search the scriptures.  LOVE it!

Strong man.  Jesus was referring to us entering the strong man's house.  Why on Earth would he put something like that in scripture.  Why would we want to enter a strong man's house?  For a long time, well, like forever, I thought that Jesus was telling us how to steal from somebody.  And really, He was.  He was telling us how to take over the Earth - the strong man's house.  Satan (the strong man) has legal rights to the Earth.  We gave it to him in the garden.  Jesus took the rights back at Calvary, but we have to be in Him to be victorious.  Satan is a lawyer.  He knows his rights.  Only by us knowing who we are in Christ and understanding our authority in Him - by knowing that we are the Righteousness of Christ, can we bind the strong man and enter his house and spoil his goods.  Wow.  I know I don't deliver quite like Barry Bennett, but there it is. 

I love fresh revelation.  There was so much more, but I could never get it all typed out. 

grrr....

I’m afraid to type this up in Blogger because the internet keeps crashing. 

I’m so frustrated.  I think it’s hormones, but that’s not an excuse.  It seems to just ride along and build up for a while and then all come crashing down at once.  I need to find the root of this.  I’m sure it’s self.  I literally could just really tear somebody up right now. 

As I’m typing this, I feel it melting away and it seems like it will be followed by tears. 

It snowed today.  A lot.  And it’s really pretty.  But I want nothing more than to go to bed.  And that’s not an option right now. 

My husband has been trying to be sweet, but he’s not getting it.  I don’t know how to tell him what I need to, but then I think it’s just me and my being emotionally led.  It’s frustrating to try to decide what’s what.

My parents still don’t talk much about anything with me.  I feel like an outcast.  I know that’s not entirely abnormal for the position we’re in.  It’s not right, though.  But I know they will see.  Probably.  Well, for sure one day, anyway, but maybe later than sooner.  I so wish they weren’t like they are, but it’s their choice. 

There are so many things I want.  I want fresh revelation from Jesus for myself.  I want to take pictures with a good camera.  I want my kids to stop leaving the doors open when it’s 29 degrees outside.  I want to not have to clean the kitchen 5 times per day – it would make sense for somebody else (anybody else) to do something.  I want to get away with my husband somewhere for a few days – we’ve never done that.  I want my family to support me.  I want to go to school tomorrow, but probably won’t be able to with the weather.  I want the boys to keep their rooms clean.  I want their bathroom clean.  I want to not be so very selfish.  I want righteousness.  I want to walk in the Blessing.  I want to be the answer to somebody’s prayer.  I want to be used by God.  I want others to see Him and not me.  I want to walk out my salvation with fear and trembling.  I want all the Promises of God – I know they are yes and amen in Jesus.  I want to pray for the sick and watch them recover.  I want to see signs and wonders follow me because I believe. 

I get Paul’s struggle in Romans 7. 

But, thank you, Jesus for Romans 8!  Thank you that I have no condemnation because I am in You.  Thank you that I can put off the stinky me of just a few minutes ago in favor of righteousness.  Thank you that I am righteous and truly holy in you.  Thank you for my new nature.  Thank you for your promises.

Our house

David said when he took a shower the other morning it felt like we'd been given our house all over again.  We have.

Last week, we got a notice from a loss mitigation company that we could do a modification to save our house.  We sent some info to them and then got a little unsure of the whole thing because their wire information was to a person and not a company for their processing fee.  David called the mortgage company and they had never heard of the loss mitigation company before.  The mortgage company also told us that we would need to have filed the info for a modification at least 10 days before it was scheduled to sell.  Ok. 

We had a wonderful New Year's time at our house on Friday night.  It was lots of laughs, communion and some really awesome prayer time.  I spent some time afterward looking up info on foreclosures and the process to see what would happen directly after our house sold.  I needed to know what we needed to tell the kids and if we should start getting ready to move.  During my mini research session, I came across an attorney who had done a question/answer session on a message board.  He said that the owner of the home legally had until the day prior to the sale to make the house current.  Ok.

Saturday night we went to church like normal.  I heard from somebody that they had felt the Lord tell them to bring us current!  Amazing!  God is so great.

Sunday morning we came back to church so both of us could work.  We told Pastor Jeff and he got really excited, of course.  We had met with him during the week prior, so he needed to hear that.

Monday morning, we were trying to get ahold of the mortgage company to find out exactly what needed to be done and who needed to be called.  We got nothing but busy signals.  David called the attorney who was handling the foreclosure and they said that the house was no longer scheduled to sell on Tuesday because there had been a requestion from the mortgage company to stop it so we could modify.  God used that loss mitigation company to put a hold on everything!  Awesome because we couldn't even get through to the mortgage company at this point.  The attorney said that they could actually take our money and pay it current, but they need to get a statement from the mortgage company in order to do that and it would take four to five days.  They are going to call back.

We went out to breakfast and then ran some errands.  I got an amazing Bible that I have been wanting for a while now.  We also toured the playcare we will be using for Joshua.  I'm so very excited about it.  He is going to love it! 

David had an interview with OfficeMax today, that went well.  He is supposed to hear from their GM on Friday to schedule an interview with him and then see from there. 

I love the Lord with all my heart.  Even when things don't look right.  I am so excited about this amazing journey we are on.  I am so excited about the Kingdom of God.

The Lord showed me that during this process, we have crossed a threshhold.  We are no longer walking in crisis mode.  Our blessings are overtaking us, and we will walk in the blessing from here.  We will be to a point very soon where we will be able to see a need and fill it.  We will be the blessed to work others' miracles for God.  I am so excited and thankful to Him who is and was and is to come.  In Him, I have my life and being.  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you, Father.  And thank you, Holy Spirit for comforting me, leading me and guiding me into all truth. 

The Lord also showed me that we are the ones who put the value on a miracle.  A $5 miracle is no different to God than a $6000 miracle.  I had head knowledge of that, but it really dropped into my heart through this.  Our miraculous God is truly amazing.  Words escape me.

some things learned through this

I'm sure I'll have lots of posts that have a similar title as this one.

I've learned that miracles are all the same to God.  I mean that a $5.00 miracle is the same size as a $6,000.00 miracle.  They are no different.

I've learned that we have stepped over the threshhold of walking in the blessing.  I know this because the blessings are about to overtake us. 

I've learned that the Lord is the Giver of Gifts, truly.

I've learned that the Lord is on time.

I've learned that He cares so much about the details.

I've learned that He really just wants us to trust Him.

I've learned that it's no big deal to Him to come up with the $$ to save our house. 

I've learned how to allow Him to break the spirit of poverty over us. 

I've learned that He puts the right people in your life at the right time. 

God is amazing.

And if it's hard to figure out - He's redeemed our house.  I'll have more on that on Monday.  :-)