First Day of Second Year!!

The only bummer I can see is that David and I can't go together.  I mean, we will from time to time, but it will be rare - like once or twice a month, and always at night.

The school looks great!  We have expanded to add another room.  And the new room will be Second Year's classroom.  I'm so excited!

It's fun to see the new faces of the First Year.  It'll be fun to see how many more are added throughout this week.  There were not as many from last year that moved up as I expected.  It's kinda' sad, really.  Maybe they'll come back, we'll see.

Today all we really did was registration stuff and get our syllabus for the first term.  It was good to see the ones that were there and I was really surprised at the ones who weren't.  I can't see any other options but to be there for two more years.  It just doesn't make any sense to not go.  But everybody's different.

It's going to be a great year!

Love

One of the last days I was at work, God showed me something pretty cool.  Of course, it happened in the bathroom.  I get alot of revelation in the bathroom for some reason.  Maybe because it's one of the only places I can get by myself.  I mean, I don't have that privilege at home of pottying alone, but at Albertson's I certainly did.

Anyway....the verses in Corinthians on love were floating through my brain.  Duane had mentioned that you can replace the word "love" with "God" to see attibutes of God throughout the scripture because God is love.  For example:  replace "Love is patient, Love is kind" with "God is patient, God is kind".  I've heard this before, but was just really thinking about it as I was stocking the cigarettes.  I went ahead and looked it up in the little Gideon's Bible that somebody left behind the counter. 

I headed to the bathroom and was just still kinda' thinking on it when the verses where Jesus was saying that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all you have and love your neighbor as yourself popped in my head.  I started thinking love is patient, love is kind...I should be patient and kind with my neighbor because I'm supposed to love my neighbor as I love myself.  Hmmm...I'm supposed to love myself as I love my neighbor.  I'm supposed to love myself.  Oh, I'm supposed to be loving to myself.  I'm supposed to be patient and kind to myself.  Oh, wow.  If I am patient, kind, long-suffering, slow to anger and all that with myself, how can I have a sin consciousness.  Oh, wow.  I think I stumbled onto one of the keys to not having a sin consciousness. 

And of course, it was in the bathroom.

I survived...

And came out on the other side actually good.  I really enjoyed things once they settled down a bit. 

I mean, Emily had a bit of a prima-donna attitude.  I don't know if it's her age or not, but it's getting pretty bad.  We had a small, contained blow-up.  I didn't kill her, so I guess it ended well.  I love Cody and Emily, but I am always thankful for the break of the time that they're both at their Mom's.  That's just straight up honesty for ya'.  You can't really know how it is to have step kids unless you have them.  You have all the responsability of your own kids without the authority.  It's difficult at best, but exceptionally rewarding at the same time.  It's like the thing you have to work so hard at that it's much sweeter when there're good times and things.  Well, enough of that - I think the subject of step children could be a daily post of it's own.

Greg and Andrea stayed a while after everybody else left and I'm so glad they did.  I really, really enjoyed them.  And Joshua loves, loves, loves Paige.  He misses her.  They are talking about moving here when he gets out and if he can get out early, coming on this way.  I would so love to have them here. 

That's enough for now.

I'm trying.

Our house is full of people.  16 people to be exact.  And they're all staying here.  I love it and hate it all at the same time.  It' hard for me when somebody stays here because I'm a very "in it's place" kind of person.  NOTHING is "in it's place".  I'm trying.  Lord knows I'm trying.  I'm trying to just not pay attention when somebody spills a whole Dr. Pepper on the floor.  Or I pick a for real (HUGE) boogar off the wall.  No kidding.  And there's trash everywhere.  It's awful.  But, I can spend my time walking around cleaning everything up over and over, or I can sit here and blog about it and let everybody else just enjoy themselves with no pressure from me.  I've come a long way.  A really long way.  There was a time when I wouldn't even be able to realistically even see the option of sitting here blogging about it and just leaving it all alone. 

David's family is so very different from mine.  I mean, I know that they're now my family too, but you know.  I'm just stressed out a bit.  And I'm frustrated with David.

It only took me 5 tries to remember my password.

I guess that means I should post more.  :-)  But it really hasn't been that long.

I don't think anybody I know really reads this.  I was concerned for a while because I had given this blog to Sandra.  I've checked my blog tracker and I don't think she's reading it.  I still don't feel completely comfortable with airing out all that happened.  I know what God has shown me and I'm ok with it.  I miss her, but I'm ok with it.

The other situation is Dena.  I don't think I'll go into a whole lot here, but I believe God's shown me that I need to withdraw a bit (it's been this way for a while now) and let her go do whatever she's going to do.  He showed me that love really does let go.  That doesn't mean I'm not there for her.  I am.  But not quite in the same capacity.  I was acting as a buffer for her and I can't be that.  I have to have clear boundaries for myself.  That's not to say I should be legalistic about anything, but continue to listen to the Spirit as to when/if we spend any time together.

Wow, this sounds all like a silly situation since I decided not to discuss it all here. 

On to other things...

I'm quitting my job.  There is not a realistic reason for me to stay after the kids are gone.  There will be nobody to babysit and Josh needs to be with his mother.  He will go to preschool in the Fall while I'm in school, and that will be fine.

David has a company here in town interested in him.  I'm excited about it.  I've been hopeful and excited about every opportunity that comes up, really. 

I sure do love that man.  He is so good to me.

Oh - a big thing God's been working with me on is relationships in general.  We had a marriage seminar at church and now Duane's preaching on the faces of Love.  Today was really good!  I love our church!  I'm sure there will be more about that at a later time.  I'm not sure I could be understandable right now. 

I'm going to bed....

School's out for the summer

Wasn't there a song like that? 

"Teacher, leave those kids alone...Hey, Teacher!  Leave those kids alone..." 

Are you singing it now?  If anybody actually reads this.  And it's totally ok if nobody ever does. 

We promoted.  I think I may have posted that already?  Maybe on my other blog.  This is still really my kinda' secret blog.  Well, Sandra had it, but I don't know if she ever even read it to begin with.  I really, really miss her.  I know that God showed me some things about the situation, but not knowing if she reads this or not, I can't put them here.  She is precious, though, and I believed a part of our family.  Maybe our paths will cross again on this side of eternity.  Who knows? 

I am way ready for David to find a different job.  I know it's best for me to be at home.  Things are really off kilter with me out of the house so much.

I talked to God about being a bit anxious when school let out that I would have difficulties keeping up with getting into the Word.  He showed me some things about the natural progression of relationships - especially mine and His.  I haven't had any problems to this point.  I love the Word!  I love spending time with Him.  I miss school and the fellowship there.  I know things will be completely different in the Fall.  Guner and Shirley will not be there anymore and that makes me rather sad.  I think most everybody from the first year will be back, along with some new from other places for the second year.  Summer school is in session right now and I plan to go up there tomorrow for class.  It will be good to see who's there.

Gonna get ready for work.

hmmm....

hmmm....

I do not know what is going on with my friend.  Well, I guess I do, but I don't at the same time.  There has been so much go on and then so much not go on at the same time lately.  We haven't really talked in a long time.  There is really nothing to say.  Not really.  The last we really talked about it, we didn't really talk about it.  It was more like she texted me a message that said she was fine.  Which she's not fine.  Not at all.  She tried to convince me of it, but she wasn't the One who showed me that she wasn't fine, so she isn't the One who can convince me that she is.  She said she was doing "things" that I wouldn't approve of, but that she was "fine".  I don't think so.  It's not about me approving or not approving.  It's not my place to approve or not approve.  Everything comes down to a heart condition.  Everything. 

hmmm....